Monday, July 28, 2008

Elil Oh Elil

Elil's cough has not fully cured since she was last sick. She would cough on occassion during the day and have longer spells certain times during the night. This disturbs her sleep and sometimes wakes her up. It stresses me out to the max. Last Thursday night, her cough medication runs out. So on Friday hubs and I decide to bring her to see Dr. Chua. We describe to him heer symptoms. Apparently, she has 'sensitive airways' which if keeps reocurring after every infection could lead to the dreaded asthma. No! I knew he would say the A-word. I didn't want to her it, even though she didn't actually have it. There was still the possibility. I wanted to cry but I held back.

The doc gave us so much medicine, cough & phlegm, wheezing and 'asthmatic' cough. WTF. She doesn't wheeze. What is an 'asthmatic' cough? I am in a panic, the labels sound serious. I think hubs can sense the rising panic in his panicky wife and the next thing he says really calms me. " I really don't think its what the doctor says" he says. Yea, maybe its not. Maybe the cough will go away and never come back. There was never any wheezing. And most nights the cough doesn't even wake her up. As long as we give her the cough medication as prescribed. We decided against giving her the wheezing and 'asthmatic' cough medicine because frankly we don't think she needs it. Still I am uncertain, I don't know if this is the best way to go. It's just terrible giving her medication, she utterly despises it. Each session is torture not just for baby but for everyone around. Watching her struggle and cry as if in horrible pain. 3 medications x 3 times daily is just unbearable. Do you think we should be giving her ALL the medication?

I worry for her still. My heart is heavy. I pray for my little angel. I pray there is no reoccurrence and that she is 100% healed from this. My nights are uneasy. She has shown signs of improvement since taking the medicine but we really won't be at ease until she's back to normal. On a happier note, her appetite is good and she's as active and cheerful as ever.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Two weeks ago on a Sunday morning in Holy Family Church

About two weeks ago the Parish Priest, Father William Michael talked about the Story of the Adulteress from the book of John 5:38--8:11. For those who have not read this Gospel, you can do so here. The main focus of this story touches on the forgiving and merciful heart of Jesus. However, Father William chose to look at Jesus in this touching story differently. The Pharisees brought to Jesus a woman caught in the act of adultery for judgement. As a test, the pharisees suggested the Adulteress be stoned to death but Jesus disappointed them and responded by saying, "Whoever among you is guiltless may be the first to throw a stone at her.” The Pharisees then one-by-one walked away and left Jesus alone with the Adulteress. Jesus then said to the Adulteress, "Go, and from now on do not sin anymore". What this says to me is, we are all sinners, you and me. We can try our best to live as Jesus did but we will still fall and He will ALWYS be there to catch us if we only ASK and ALLOW Him. This story has always touched me and it is always a reminder to like Jesus 1. not judge anyone, ever; 2. forgive and forgive again. Surprsingly, that Sunday, Father William mentioned nothing about judging and forgiveness. He instead spoke of gentleness. God was speaking to me and he said very simply, "Pu Ei, be gentle. Have a gentle spirit." It hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus wasn't just forgiving with the Adulteress, he was gentle. He treated her with gentleness and softness. This is what I need to be. Gentle. And this is what I pray for daily, to have a gentle spirit like Jesus.

The priest also spoke of humility. This is one of my favorites. In many ways, Jesus has called me to be humble. It's something I need to work on daily. Pray for a humble heart. There is so much to read and learn on humility. Check this site out, Humility.

Mass a week ago was celebrated by Arichbishop Murphy Pakiam. 75 people were being Confirmed. Hey, they didn't get slapped on the cheek like I did! The Bishop just gave them a tap on the shoulder. His sermon was long but simple and direct and more importantly easier to understand compared to the St Francis Xavier's jesuits. Basically, he was talking to the newly confirmed most of whom were teenagers. What really touched me was his advise to pray 1. for a heart to love Jesus more and 2. for a humble heart. Again humility. Such simple words with such deep meaning.

"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth."
— Matthew 5:5

Friday, July 18, 2008


**RULES***“The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.Each player answers the questions about themselves.At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.”***End***

Question 1: What were you doing 5 years ago?
In July 2003 I was in KL hanging out waiting for my Convo.

Question 2: What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
1. Work
2. Work
3. Work
4. Work
5. Beers

Question 3: What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
I'm not really a snacker. But when I do, I tend to go for all those preserved asam stuff.
1. Preserved plum
2. Jeruk mangga

Question 4: What are 5 things that you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Tithe
2. Build my dream home, get my dream car, etc.
3. Make sure my family and loved ones never have any financial woes.
4. Create my own charity organization - build schools, homes, support groups etc. for the less fortunate
5. Travel & volunteer work

Question 5: What are 5 jobs you've had
1. Fun2 playmate - hehe
2. Hah Yo! Waitress - at STAR poolside, for a week when they needed temps.
3. Arrio's Cafe - Sunway Pyramid waitress for 2 months
4. Intern at PJ Indah Holdings - M&E consultants
5. Electrical Engineer for Power Project Consultant - M&E

Now for the 5: Ots, Far, Yas, Hema & Denna

I'm yours Jason

This song is awesome. There's so much truth in it wouldn't you say?

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch closer dear
and i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

Friday, July 04, 2008

Children are amazing

The day before yesterday was as bad as any day can get. Please refer to previous post. With one exception, the day I got a call from my mum saying Pu Nie had been in an accident. Anyway, so Wednesday was bad. But something happend on my drive back home that just lifted my spirits if only for a few minutes.

I was driving along the Damansara Highway headed toward the NKVE when my eyes were drawn to the back of this black MyVi. Sitting at the rear seats, facing the back were two little boys, around 4 and 5 years old. They were waving at the people in the cars driving behind them. Both deliriously happy. Making goofy faces. They spotted me looking at them and they started to wave even harder. I was so touched by their sincerity and their pure joy and excitement only a child can project that I started waving back. A simple wave at first. But then they went crazy with their waving when they saw that finally one driver actually reciprocated their actions. So I went all out with my waving as well. Leaning forward as our cars drew apart so they could see me still. This simple action just made me so happy. Seeing how their faces lit up by my response. Our cars parted at different toll booths. I looked around for them hoping to continue our waving contest alas we lost each other. They probably went on to make some other disappointed person's day. God bless them. It was such a wonderful moment where I became a kid again and all my adult problems just dissolved for those few minutes and I was brought to tears.

Just as I was recovering from that temporary high, I get a call from the office and reality sets in. Back to where i started.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

6 Oct 07 - 2 July 08

My first email was sent out on the 6th October 2007. I was rejected, told that my application came in a little too late. Both positions had been filled. Sure I was disappointed but I tried, and hey I failed. A great opportunity that remained an opportunity.

Then in February, I hear that there is another vacancy available. This time I was hopeful. I read through the description and requirements. MS Project was a requirement so I got a hold on a cd and learned that well. What ever information I could get a hold on, I read through every related link, browsed the sites, talked to some wonderful and helpful ladies on the 2nd and 3rd floor. And I prayed. The works. A dozen times a day I was on the job searcher site looking out for the opening. So I could be the first to apply. Sending email after email regarding the status. It seemed like harassment at times. I'm sure I never went beyond being a pest or a desperate annoyance.

Finally, in June the post is officially on site and I can apply. I'm sure I wasn't first. I wait patiently. They tell me if the hiring manager finds me suitable for the post, he/she will be in contact. So two weeks go by and nothing. So 20 days after sending in my application I decide to make that important nerve wrecking call. The phone rang it seemed like forever, no answer or voicemail. I left 2 missed calls. I follow-up with an email.

Then finally today, I see his name in pink and I pick up my nerves to click on it and open the message. This is the last line....

I appreciate your keenness to join the team and under different circumstances I would consider you for the role.

The role that I applied for would have allowed me to work from home 5 days a week. Would have enabled me to raise my child which has been my dream since the 9th June 2007. I do not wish to elaborate any further in fear of just bawling in front of the whole office. Its enough to say I am in grief.