I am not me

I am not the same person I used to be.

I was generally a happy person. But now I am generally sad.

I was an animated person who was once described in one word as talkative. I avoid lenghty conversations now.

I used to be a good listener. Now I can't wait for the other person to shut-up.

I was passionate. But now couldn't care less.

I was the pig of the bunch. Now I eat to live.

I once enjoyed coming to work. I hate it now. I dread it.

I used to have things to look forward to. Maybe they're still there but I've lost interest.

Watching TV or a movie used to be fun. I'm looking at the screen now but my mind is lost.

I used to care somewhat about what I look like when I go out the door. This morning I left the house without a glimpse in the mirror. I don't believe I combed my hair.

Rolling over with laughter until either my tummy hurt or I tear. Boy is that a thing of the past. No more hearty laughs.

It's kind of sad. I'm at the prime of my life, I should have so much to look forward to, new family, bright future but I have never been more miserable. Go figure.

However, I should remind myself, "This too shall pass...."

What are your values?

Sincerity? Honesty? Pride?
Status? What is in a name?
Is it the doing?
Or the being?
Individuality? Personality?
Power? Material wealth?
Equality?
Physical beauty? Race?
Mutual Respect?
Religion? Faith?
The freedom to be? Fame?
Compassion? Empathy? Pity?
Humility?
Unity? Truth? The truth shall set you free

Baby Stuff Are So Cool

Since baby was born shopping has never been the same! Never have I seen baby stuff the way I do now. So many cool and funky gadgets, baby outifts, hats, shoes, you name it la. Never have I been shopping without being tempted to step in a shoe store or browse through the racks of Zara or MNG or FOS. In any shopping mall, my first instinct is to walk into the first baby store and check out what they have. I can feel the tension from hubby as I am drawn towards the shop that reads 'BABY'. We don't need 90% of the things I have my eyes on but they're just so damn NICE. How to not be tempted? For example, how could you not want....

....this super cool Squirt Baby Food Dispensing Spoon? You fill the food up in the spoon and squeeze it when you want to refill the spoon. No more going back and forth between food jar and spoon. So cool when you're out and about. Damn it, I wantttttt. I found this online and the store only ships within the US/Canada.

....or how about these super funky bibs? They're made of neoprene which is the same material these use to make wet suits. Plus the little pocket thingy to collect crumbs and food bits is held up with buttons. Check out the cool colors!

....or how about this Snack Ball? Just dump your baby's snack in and twist the lid. It makes a fun toy too for the itty bitty ones anyway. How do people come up with such cool ideas? I wish I was creative.

Gong Xi Fa Cai - Happy year of the rat!

L - R: Elil, Daddy, Mummy

Hehe. Welcoming in the new year in my favorite colour. Red, red and red. We visited two families on the first day of Chinese New Year and that was about it. I still collect Ang Pow. On behalf of the little sweetie of course. Unfortunately I collect less than I have to give out. Actually, it feels good to give out. I spent the next few days just hanging with my two favorite people, managed to catch up with some recent movies, brought the angel swimming, spent some much needed quality time with the hubby. So that was it, my quiet and somewhat refreshing (for the most part) new year.

I have so been looking forward to seeing a lion dance but have been so out of luck. Its so quiet this year, there are hardly any fireworks. The few you hear are probably illegal and the guys burning them probably have the authorities at their doorstep collecting ang pow minutes later. What happend to the lion dance troops that used to come by the dozens to perform outside your house for a few minutes in exchange for a red packet? I miss the excitement and anticipation. And to imagine until I was about 10 or 11 I was freaked out by the noise from the beating drums and clanging cymbals. While my sisters, cousins and all the neighborhood kids ran into the streets at the very echo of a lion dance troop, I used to lock myself in the most secure room, furthest away from any windows or doors, plug my ears with cotton wool and cry. And cry. My heart would pound. And even after the lions were long gone, I could still hear the drums and cymbals resonate in my ears. Non-stop. It was haunting. I really hated it. Even hearing them on TV spooked me out. It was just the lingering noise though not the actual lion that got me all panicky. Until today, I am unable to explain why. I wonder if there are other people who were as distrubed by this as me....

The Working New Mother

7 months and 8 days of motherhood. What can I say?

1. Before I leave for work at 8 am, I explain to Elil that I have to work today and I won't be back until 6 pm. Nowadays, I don't get to go back for lunch. So its that much harder leaving her in the mornings. It's a quick farewell. I read long farewells can be drepressing for both mother and baby. But there has to be a goodbye. 5 bloody times a week! Baby understands more than we think.

2. You don't know how I rush to get home at 5:30 pm. The slightest traffic congestion gets me worked up. Sometimes I run from the car to the lift, so eager to see Elil. It sounds crazy I know, but wait till you have a baby of your own. I wash my hands with soap just before leaving the office, I take my watch off in the car and get the house keys ready in the lift. To save time so that the moment I see her at the door I can scoop her in my arms and shower her with kisses. Yes, crazy.

3. I know I need some time for myself but it's so hard to find it (time). Especially when there's so little left after work. I wan't to spend these precious moments with Elil. To get to know her. To tell her about my day and ask her about hers. I have'nt been a total hermit. I have been out, hanging with my husband or friends, attend a company dinner or two. But it has been difficult. I tend to feel a little sad when I get back home and look at the sleeping Elil. How could I have left her (even for those few hours)?

4. Shopping. I still love it. But right now my focus and the source of shopping excitement is not bags or shoes but anything baby. I saw the coolest gadget the other day. I had to have it. It's a portable baby food blender, bottle/jar warmer and sterilizer ALL in one. So cool. It also cost a bomb and my husband thinks we don't need it. Oh but we do, its especially handy when we travel. When we travel la.

5. If I could only work from home. * super sigh* Or work part-time. But I don't think this is something that happens here a lot. And it probably isn't too practical. I'll probably be better off not working at all. Why is it so hard? A mother should be with her children. Do you know how old-fashioned i'm sounding right now? The maternal instinct is strong in this one.

6. I'm jealous of the maid. She spends more time with my child than I do. Isn't that just wrong ka? I wasn't around when she first started doing the 'commando crawl'. I wasn't the first to witness her holding her own nennen bottle. Her first 'word' is not mama. Actually I didn't really expect it to be, coz pronouncing 'mummy' is pretty difficult for little babies plus how do they derive 'mama' from 'mummy'?

7. I don't know how working mothers do it.

Introducing Baby Ronan

My nephew baby Ronan Lim Li Hoong born 4th December 2007 weighing 3.0kg. Ain't he a cutie? Lookin a lot like his cousin Elil. In this shot she is 3 weeks old. Precious little one.

He spoke to me again

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

PTL

Created Equal

I have always known and felt that people are people no matter their background, upbringing, race, religion, native soil, etc. In the eyes of our Creator, we are equal. The only difference between us all; rich-poor, beautiful-hideous, healthy-sick, royal-common, powerful-weak, literate-iliterate, privileged-underprivileged, permanent-contingent, is circumstance. I repeat. CIRCUMSTANCE. We are all victims of circumstance. A big part of who we are is determined by the condition in which we are brought up or situation we are exposed to. So the fact that you have the opportunity to read this blog proves that you are fortunate and blessed and that chances are you were born under decent circumstances.

You need to know that where I was brought up I never experienced much racial or class divide. Maybe I was ignorant and naive and could not see what was going on in front of me. Or maybe this was due to the fact that I lived in a middle class neighbourhood, attended a middle class school and I socialized with a middle class society. Maybe it's because when raising their daughters my parents never mentioned or focused on differences between people. We were never made to feel that we were better (or worse) than anyone else. We were and still are ordinary people. In no means is ordinary bad by the way. Maybe its a result of the degree of 'rojakness' within the people that we are able to feel somewhat united. Or maybe we are fused together through our love for 'aramaiti'. Whatever the reason, I strongly believe that we need to start treating each other with equal respect. No one person is more deserving of respect than another. We need to stop judging. As humanly impossible as it seems, we need to try. We need to be more compassionate. Empathy not pity.

Why is it there is so much conflict arising from our differences? Can't we celebrate our diversity? We tend to frown upon people, things or situations that don't register in our minds as normal or acceptable. There are 6.6 billion people on our planet! 6.6 billion different lives, with different cultures and beliefs. 6.6 billion hearts, with different joys and fears. 6.6 billion different views on what is right or wrong. 6.6 billion different ways of leading a life. All lives equally important, all eager to feel validated and believe they matter. All equally entitled to their own happiness and freedom to make choices. Yet we choose to live in our own little closed minded worlds. Refusing to open our hearts to the fact that there is life, real life beyond our own. I truly believe that if we could start treating each other the way we would like to be treated ourselves and to have consideration to a person's feelings as if it were our own, the world would be a better place to live in!

I'm so blessed with the best friends

.... wish i could be eleven again, and my biggest worry regarding you was tht you wont be at the drain when i get there.remember? i dont think i ever walked around that drain, its like, a whole extra 20 stepsbut you were always there.

.... in you, Pu, i see a strong person, someone who can always make the best of a situation. thats what i see, i don't know if you don't feel it. i'll always be here for you. i tolong you cross the drain. if you jatuh i help you out, i give u baju so u can mandi.i hope there will come a time when we can all laugh about this. take care, and hugs. to elil too.

:)-- Selina

Drowning

I swim.
I drown.
Drowning,
in tears.
A pool of mud!
Like quicksand,
pulled deeper and deeper.
The weight unbearable,
it presses on my being.
Too weak to fight it.
Tired. Jaded.

I swim.
I drown.
Drowning,
in tears.
A pool of mud!

It aches.
Tears. Draining.
No more tears. Drained.
Numb.

Help.
Please,
pull me out.
Help.

Real Girl

If I had one chance to

Live my life again

I wouldn't make no changes

Now or way back when (yeah)

And if everything turns out

The way I hope it goes

But I cant wait to find out

What it is that God knows

But I don't wanna think about

What's gonna come around for me

I'll just take it day by day

'Cause it's the only way

To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not

You get what you see, when you see what I've got

We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl

I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself

I don't need permission from nobody else'

Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl

I know exactly who I am

And nothing's ever perfect

There's no guarantee

And if I knew the answers

It would put my mind at ease (no)

So I'll just keep on going

The way I've gone so far

And maybe I'll end up

Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)

But I don't wanna think about

What's gonna come around for me

I'll just take it day by day

'Cause it's the only way

To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not

You get what you see, when you see what I've got

We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl

I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself

I don't need permission from nobody else

'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl

I know exactly who I am

Baby this is who I am

Don't need you to understand

'Cause everything is right where it should be

It wont be long til you know about me,

'Cause I don't give a...Even when I'm out of love

'Cause everythings just how it should be

And it wont be long till you know about me

I never pretend to be something I'm not

You get what you see, when you see what I've got

We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl

I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself

I don't need permission from nobody else

'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl

I know exactly who I am

I never pretend to be something I'm not

You get what you see, when you see what I've got

We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl

I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself

I don't need permission from nobody else

'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl

I know exactly who I am

I have been tagged by chantekmaumatee...

Write 6 weird things about yourself.

This is harder than I thought it would be. I'm so damn normal. Hmm....

1. I drink water from a glass or a clear container only.

2. (half an hour later) Gee....

Ok guys, I can't think of anything else. Anyone want to help me out here? What about me is weird?

Thanks.

Jaded

JADED. Meaning worn-out, broken-down or weary.

Happy 50th Birthday Malaysia! Merdeka!

8 reasons why I 'love' being Malaysian:

1. Malaysians still do not give up their seats to pregnant women, the elderly, handicapped,etc. in public transportation even when there are signs to do so posted everywhere. Even after several ads are aired on tv telling people to do so. I know from first hand experience.

2. I was at the Ikea restaurant just the other day with Ots (during the members sale). It was lunch time so the place was packed. After several minutes looking for a place to sit, we finally find half a table. A table for four occupied by two. So I do the polite thing and asked the seated couple if the two seats next to them were occupied. They said no. So I waited a few seconds for the guy to move his shopping bag and the girl to move her handbag. They give me this hesitant look and the girl has the nerve to say, "Urm, our bags are here". I couldn't believe my ears. I just stand there stunned. Then I turn to Ot's and say real sarcastically, "I guess their bags are tired and need to sit". We walk off. It wasn't until later that I realized how terrible their action really was. I was standing there in front of them with Elil in my arms and Otta is 4 months pregnant! Holy cow!

3. Malaysians don't know how to queue properly. Restrooms. Why is it we can't have a single line so that people get to use the loo in proper turn? Why is it we still insist on having one line for each stall? It's just wrong. I must admit I am guilty of this too but only because if I did wait the proper way, I may never have the chance to use the loo.

4. A lot of the time our newspapers give us half-truths and most of us just take it all in. I just laugh.

5. We claim to be united. Are we really?

6. I have just about had enough of holding the world record for having the biggest flag, highest flag pole, biggest curry puff, etc. Whatever.

7. Government offices/departments. Enough said. I hear they have plans to improve their 'services with a smile'.

8. Our favorite (or only) pastime is jalan-jalan in a shopping mall (especially people in and around the KL area).

Lonely

My mother left yesterday. She's back in KK. I know she left with mix feelings. Wanting to be back with Meriel and my father, also needing to feel at home again. Needing to be here with me, to take care of me and to just enjoy Elil. I miss her dearly. It was so hard to leave her at the airport. I gave her a quick hug and immediately pulled away. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. I cried all the way back to Kajang.

I prayed for a good night last night. Elil was an angel. So easy to please. She is downstairs at this moment sleeping soundly in her cot. It hurts me to be so far away from her (I am upstairs). I can't help but want her near me and with me at all times. I want my husband near me at all times too. But right now he is so far away and it makes things even more unbearable. Since Elil was born, there has not been a moment where I felt like were a family. It's kind of sad. I hope to feel it soon. I cannot wait for my husband to be back to complete this new family of ours.

I can't explain what I feel when I hold Elil in my arms, when I look at her sleeping. The pride, the love, the peace, the joy. She is just so perfect and beautiful through and through. I want to spend every moment with her be it a peaceful and quiet moment or a restless and crying night. I want to hold her and never let her go. I want to hold my husband and never let him go. Four more days before I get to be in his arms again. Time could not go by more slowly.

It was so nice. I got the chance to dress up a little for Elil's full moon AND the end of my confinement. Yay! Ok, I cheated a bit, I have actually been out shopping the past few days in some dingy little mall 5 minutes away. Carol and Yo will be able to tell you how little and how dingy. Anyhow, never judge a mall by its size or appearance. To my delight, the Levi's/Dockers store at the mall's entrance has turned into a factory outlet. After months of not being able to shop for 'normal' clothes, you don't know how excited this made me. Even my mom was all puppy-panting excited. Plus while I was pregnant I told myself the first thing I'm going to get for myself after delivering is a nice pair of hot-hot jeans. Heh heh. So back to the store, there weren't many stuff for women but the collection they did have were real nice and my size plus the jeans were going for 100 bucks. So I tried on a couple but ended up getting only a pair, 593's. I should be giving this mall more credit man. So this was on Monday.

The day before Sunday. Carol and I went to the same mall, to shop. Duh. I didn't plan on getting anything. Carol wanted to get a document bag so we went hunting for bags. Everything was on sale. So strong the temptation. Alas I didn't get anything. In Parkson anyway. So we walked around the mall a bit. Baby shops are now very tempting as well so we went into a few. Got one of those rubber bath mats for Elil. Did a little more browsing then I thought to myself what would a shopping trip be without a visit to the shoe store. So excite! First shoe store, I got myself a pair of maroon closed-toe flats yang sungguh classic for RM19.90. Second store, I got another shiny classic maroon number with kitten heels for RM38.00. So beauty! Did I mention I need to give this mall more credit? So lumayan my trip to the mall. I'm satisfied, so enough shopping for now.

Wanna see my pretty red toes?

Beware pregnant and postnatal women!

Ever heard of a gas/air embolism? Well, in short a gas embolism happens when gas/air enters the blood stream and obstructs oxygen-rich blood from flowing through the body. Basically no blood to your brain, lungs, heart, etc. I'm sure you get what I mean. You can die!

Bet you don't know how (easily) you can get a gas/air embolism? Gas can be introduced into the blood stream of a pregnant woman or a woman who has just given birth (usually less than 6 weeks after delivery) by blowing air into the vagina. This can easily happen while oral sex is being performed on the woman. If you're not scared or shocked or freaked yet, read this article, Death By Sex.

Isn't it surprising that most people know little or nothing about gas embolisms and how easily they can occur? And what the potential consequences are? The way I see it, a lot of pregnant and postnatal women are probably not up to having intercourse (often) during this period because a) it's hard to find a comfortable position when your'e a balloon and b) I don't think the episiotomy has fully healed yet. So the closest substitute? Probably oral sex! Who would have guessed something so pleasurable could end up being fatal.

So now you know! Feel free to share this information with friends and family.

Want to know more about embolisms?, click Embolisms.

I've been wanting to do this for some time now....

In no particular order. You know who you are.

I love you because you can't bear to see a friend hurt or upset. There will never be a moment when I am in distress and you are not there to console me. It's ok that you occasionaly forget important dates! In difficult times, just knowing you are my friend is enough to get me through. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve you. I thank God for you.

I love you because you have seen the worst in me and you love me still. You will never let anything come between us. There is so much you hide behind your 'ah-lien' exterior that it's sometimes hard to read you but inside you have only goodness and kindness to give. I thank God for you.

I love you because (it may not show but) deep down you have the biggest heart. You have always felt it your responsibility to protect me. We always had a special connection, a strong bond. Lately, we see less of each other and seldom connect like we used to but still I know you love me. I thank God for you.

I love you because (although you find it so hard to show,) you love me unconditionally. All you have ever wanted for me is peace and happiness. We may have had our rough patches but through it all I know that you never stopped loving me. I take you for granted sometimes. I wish I didn't. I thank God for you.

I love You because You are my Saviour. Without You I am nothing. All You want is my friendship. I fall, give up and turn away from You but every single time You will pick me up if only I let You. Your unending love and grace fills me up and moves me to tears. I thank You.

I love you because you are true to yourself, real and sincere. You have a strong head on your shoulders and for that I admire you. Your strength and ability to see things as they are has helped me through many a tough time. I can always trust you. You will make a fantastic mom one day! I thank God for you.

I love you because you have been my pillar my whole life. I look up to you. Your wisdom, strength and patience is inspiring. Your love for and faithfulness to God is admirable. I want to have your patience. I want to be like you. I love how our relationship has grown and matured over the years. I thank God for you.

I love you because of your gentleness and patience, your sweetness and affection, your humor. I know sometimes I can be overbearing and demanding but your love never fails. I will become a better person for you. I have faith in our love - our decision to love each other. I thank God for you.

I love you because you are the baby. You will forever be the baby. I have always felt the need to protect you and nurture you. Your'e a big girl now but to me you will forever be the sweetest little thing. I trust you will always honor and live up to my 'cacatness'. Keep Jesus close to your heart. I thank God for you.

I love you because you are mine. You and I are permanently connected through our experience together while you were forming in my womb and when I introduced you the the world. You are my sunshine. You are my angel. You don't have to do anything or be anyone in particular to make me love you. I love you unconditionally. I thank God for you.

I love you because of your humor and your freaky ways. No one makes cacatness seem cool like you do. I wish I had half your wit. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I enjoy our conversations be it about meaningless crap or our innermost feelings or even gossip. We don't do this often enough so get your butt here! I thank God for you.

I love you because you have always been there for me. You have always been there to support me in everything. Your guidance and lessons have helped me in so many ways. I don't tell you often enough how much I appreciate all you have done. Sometimes I want to give you a long hard hug just to let you know how much you mean to me. I thank God for you.

I love you because you always manage to turn a sad or depressing situation into something fun and exciting. There's never a dull moment when you're around! I truly appreciate the times when I've been down and you are there to cheer me up and put a smile on my face. I thank God for you.

My pot of gold came early

Check her out:

Mummy's Angel

TESTIMONIAL #1

Last night an event did not turn out the way I hoped and expected. Don't sweat the small stuff my sister always says. And yea, it wasn't a big deal really. But to me, small things matter so much. I can't explain why. And this particular incident, although seemingly insignificant made me sad. I was disappointed and frustrated. To me it was a sign of things to come, a forming pattern that would keep on occurring (in different ways) until it did eventually amount to something significant or BIG. But as mentioned in my previous entry, I am now capable of blocking out negative thoughts (better than I used to anyway) and I tried to push it aside instead of allowing myself to turn into the drama queen that I am (hey, I didn't ask to be this way). So I told myself, "Pu let it be...." I bid my farewell to Ots and upon hearing her voice, I couldn't help but cry. Relax she told me, all will be fine. I know that. I thought of God and aknowledged his constant presence.

I am in the process of moving to Kajang and am clearing my room in stages. My car was loaded with clothes, boxes of books/magazines, my art stuff, etc. and I prepared for the drive back. I didn't want to cry but heck when your'e sad and there's no one there to comfort you, a few tears always help. So I allowed myself to let go. As I was driving down the hill, I switched on the radio and as usual, it's all crap. Then I remembered that I just got my ipod charged and uploaded with some praise and worship songs that Meriel had given me. I am instantly relieved that I at least have quality music to entertain me during my drive back. I always set my ipod on shuffle. I forget what the first song was but I skipped it. Then Alanis Morisette's Ironic came on and I skipped it too (but I love that song!). At that same moment I prayed for some praise and worship just to soothe my heavy heart. And of all the 115 hits and 20 p&w songs in my ipod, I hear a voice and this is what it says,

"God we lay down our burdens, our cares, our troubles before you because truly (music starts playing gently) you are our all in all, you are our king of kings, and we worship you today, we praise your name because of who you are and what youv'e done for us...."

The moment I hear these comforting words, I break down sobbing. This time tears of pure joy (remember the joy I was looking for?). Overcome with peace. He spoke to me and assured me that when I am troubled or broken, all I have to do is seek Him and I will be free and made whole again. The feeling was AMAZING, I felt like I could do anything, overcome everything. I could not stop thanking Him over and over again. I have always felt God's presence in my life but this time it rushed through me stronger than ever before.

And then, the song starts....

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that i seek

You are my all in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel

Lord to give up I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising again I bless your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down you pick me up

When I am dry you fill my cup

You are my all in all

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Although an old song that I have known for ages now, You Are My All In All (by Hillsong if I am not mistaken) has recently (some months now) touched me in a way never before and I've made a request for it to be played during my wedding as I walk down the isle. Now more than before, it holds special meaning to me.

True happiness - joy is something we have to work hard to achieve and an experience we need to constantly nurture and continuously grow.

One last thing, I received a promotion today. Not the one that I have been waiting for but maybe something better. Praise the Lord!

Happy people make me wanna barf

I have been reading people's blogs lately and it makes me sick how happy some people can be. I know I sound bitter. I am. Honestly, is it really possible to be THAT happy? It's disgusting. It's not that I'm depressed or anything. I just can't help it if I find it annoying that some people seem to live in a fairy tale of happily ever after. Why is it I am not deliriously happy??

I've tried it all. Think happy thoughts, always be positive, take each day at a time, pray and let God, etc. They all kinda work to a certain extent, and yea I'm 'happy' for that moment but then I'm back where I started in no time. Praying helps and I feel relief and am able to keep myself above average in the happiness department but still, something is lacking. I need the happiness or joy to run through me and live in me. Inside, I am just blek. I want to be thrilled and eager to live life. I want to be excited to see what tomorrow brings. I want to be me. I want US. I want peace.

What have I to look forward to? The future stresses me out. Not thinking about it helps. The constant worry I have over my future happiness is stopping me from experiencing happiness now. I have actually mastered the art of blocking all (ok not all, just about 80% of) negative thoughts out of my head, which is great but in the process I've come to realize happiness is not something that will surely follow. Why not?? True happiness - joy does not come about from something that happens to you or something someone does for you. It comes from within. How do I bring it out? How in the hell do happy people do it?

While waiting for an answer, I keep this verse close to heart:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,
And lean not on thine own understanding,
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct thy path.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Ach-ing

Today I wake up and I feel like my body has ran a marathon during the night without telling me. My neck, shoulders, down to my sides, lower back, arms, thighs and calves. Gosh! I'm aching all over. It's so hard to move anything, everything is just so heavy and achy. Obviously I didn't get a good nights sleep. Was tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position. Sleep came and went. The morning weather was so dreary that when my alarm rang at 7am the atmosphere outside looked more like 6am. That just made it so much harder to get out of my bed. It was still dark damnit! Lately, I have started to find my apartment kinda depressing. It doesn't feel like home. Did it ever Pu? Even my room is less appealing. My bed feels old and dirty (maybe coz it is?). I think it has a lot to do with the fact that everyone has gone home and I am left alone. The cheer has gone. All Meriel's luggage and the ruckuss outside till like 4am. Gone. The life sucked out of 3A-16-3. On top of that it doesn't help that my housemate has turned into The Grinch!

I don't like it when a house is all closed up and dark and unwelcoming. It's just too depressing. Uninviting. My home is going to be like walking into a ray of sunshine. The sun is going to shine through, you will be able to hear birds chirping outside, the cool occassional breeze, the smell of fresh air. Ahhh...I can see it now. Everything is white and fresh. The light curtains blown in the wind. The sound of soft soothing music. Me sitting in my studio, in the midst of creating some fantastic work of art. My flowers, roses, lavenders, freesias, lilies, lilacs, tulips, alazeas, all blooming in the garden. Their scents are blown through the house. Ok, getting a little unrealistic here. Snap out of it Pu. Me and my wishful thinking. *Sigh*

Time to focus on work!

1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT ?
Gash on my lower leg. I fell into the drain in front of my house.
2.WHERE ARE YOU?
My body is at the office but my mind is focused on Christmas in KK.
3.WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It's black and looks like any other mobile phone.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Right now Christmas songs, before this your basic Mix FM shit and before that Hitz and Fly.
5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
Nada.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To be home sweet home doing nothing sweet nothing.
7.WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I miss my asband and my home in KK.
8.WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
I really should find out.
9. WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
He did.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Sumtaims after horror story exchanges yes.
12. YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD
Need you ask? Japanese.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PERFUME?
Right now Envy Me by Gucci.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
It's not like we have so much choice here in Malaysia. Does it even matter?
15. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
When I need em sure!
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Energy drinks.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni and cheese rules.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Hana Maki OR Ngau Chap with the lada and vinegar.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Bala.
20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Yes.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
The first gift I can remember is the glow worm from my mummy.
22. DO U LIKE SOMEONE?
I like a lot of people.
23. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Yea man, FOS.
24. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
I've gone through so many, I don't even know anymore. For now i'd really just love a Cygnus.
25. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
Done it.
26. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
As if you can help/stop it.
27. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Putting their needs first, or second or third depending on how much they mean to you.
28. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED
28.
29. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes?
30. WHO IS THE ONE PERSON YOU CALL OFTEN?
Bala.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU?
The way Mr. Stoner looks and talks. And right now, a whole load of other things as well.
34. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
My heart. It could also be considered a strength I guess.
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
A crucifix from my husband.
36. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
I'm sure I have. Can't think of one though.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Work/Chatting.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT COULD IT BE?
If I could, I wouldn't.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My skin (not right now though).
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES BECAME ILLEGAL?
Nothing.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Birthday's and gifts are getting old.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
Right now 3.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Nope.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
All fingers on my right hand.
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Friday night during the conference.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Not really. I don't hate it though.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAL?
Anything goes really.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Lip biting.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Teda.
54. YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF?
Yes I think so.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Many times.

One word. RELIEF

You see the picture? Well, this is exaclty how I feel. I was afraid to proclaim it earlier but it's been 3 days and I think it's safe to say, IT'S OVER PU! The relief I have been waiting so long for.

Today is Monday and also the first time in ages that I have managed to focus at work, get organized and not want to kill my 'stoner' boss when he dumps work on me (however, the sight of him still annoys me). Oh, and I don't feel like dying anymore. THANK YOU GOD. Now let's see if I can pull myself together enough to clean up my room, do the laundry and fold my once-clean clothes....

Last Friday night, my kid sister convinced me to attend the last night rally for Planet Shakers conference held at Sunway Convention Center in Pyramid. There were over 2000 people packed in the hall. Stepping inside, I instantly felt old. Little teenies everywhere. Anyway, by the looks of the set-up, you would never guess a Christian conference was about to go on. It looked more like a rock concert. I half expected to see some dude from Blink 182 jump out. Instead a pastor popped out from no where with his electric guitar and started bouncing about and running from one end of the stage to the other shouting out praise n worship rocker style. It was quite exhilirating and a totally out-of-this-world experience. The singing, jumping, praising, head-banging, rejoicing, clapping was followed by a talk by another pastor. Not your ordinary talk neither, this guy made you burst into laughter every 2 minutes. It was fun and effective. No wonder so many youth are crazy about these (Planet Shakers, Hillsong) Christian movements. I am really glad I decided to go. To top it all off, I was pleasantly surprised when I bumped into an old uni mate sitting on the same row!

I was about to let myself feel down in the dumps and depressed, then I reminded myself, "Pu you have a wedding to plan, pull yourself together and enjoy the moment!" So here I am announcing to the world details of my upcoming wedding....

First things first, MY WEDDING GOWN. I wish I could have taken a picture. Its off-white and a tube with a long trane - probably a little over a meter. My initial plan was to have something real simple but when I tried on the gowns, I said to myself, "How can we NOT go all the way??!!". It's in full floral lace with the waist-line just under the breasts with diamond-like stones that go all the way round. It's quite fitting around the torso and A-line all the way down. Sounds simple I know, but boy is it bea-u-tiful! Perfecto!

My evening gown is real fragile chiffon also in off-white. I want to look the bride all the way! It's a v-neck with thin spaghetti straps and bits of embroidery & sequin between the breasts. Like my wedding gown, it also has an under-the-breast sort of waist-line with an extra flowy piece of chiffon that comes down at the center. A little romantic effect. He he. Forgive me, my 'techincal knowledge' in dress design is a little crappy.

I NEED to discuss my shoes as well. Three words, gold, glittery and glamorous! You need to see them for yourself so here they are, TADA!

Next, MY THEME. I am going to set a world record for most number of bridesmaids. I will have 7 beautiful maids! You don't know how important it is to me and how happy I am to have all my closest gals with me as I make my way down the aisle to say I DO. These 7 lovely lasses will be draped in my favorite color of all time, RED. Ok, I know what you're thinking, sakit mata! It's not a tacky red, it's deep and delicious. So no sakit mata ok, promise. So, my theme will be a mix of off white and deep red. Just for the yin-yang effect, I will be clutching a huge bouquet of deep red roses and the gals will have smaller white roses to hold. To cut the cost, I have plans on having DIY bouquets. I stumbled upon this site that teaches you how to make your own simple but beautiful bouquets. You can check it out as well at DIY Bouquets.

I am trying to upload some pictures but blogger is not co-operating. Darn!

Pu's Siem Reap Adventure

This is Mia after 10.5 shots of vodka-lime & sugar. It took me 9 shots to get to this pathetic state....

Going....

Going....

Gone!

Oh, by the way, we were on the way back to the hotel on our 'tuk-tuk'. Carol & Yo were sitting directly opposite us. Thanks Yo for the shots!

I IS MARRIED

Wow! Hello again blogging world! I am back from my sabbatical. I can't begin to explain how much has happend between now and the last time I was at this 'spot'. Gee...contemplating on whether or not I should share every last detail of the goings-on in my life....

Where do I start? Yes, that is my arm inside that steel bucket filled with the mud-like water (it's actually sandalwood mixed with water). And yes, the darker, furry arm belongs to my husband/suami/lau-kung/esposo/mume, however you wanna say it! The Hindu priest made us play this 'cute' game where he tosses a gold ring (bought for the bestman, who was Allen Lim by the way, ie. my brother-in-law) into the bucket and both husband and wife have to fight for it. Bala won 2 out of the 3 times we played. I only won the last time coz he let me! To those who know not or are still in shock, here are some details of the weddings:

Indian Ceremony

Date: 1st December 2006 ( registration/legal marriage was on the 30th November 2006)

Place: Mewah Club, Kajang

Time: 6:00pm and reception thereafter

Catholic Service

Date: 20th January 2007

Place: Sacred Heart Cathedral, Kota Kinabalu

Time: 10:30am

Reception: The Pacific Sutera, Sutera Harbor at 6:30pm

TADA! So ok, I was not keen on posting this picture coz I think I look like shit, but what the heck. I'll keep it here till I get better shots. The garlands bah! They are not only huge but they weigh a tonne as well. Oh, and after a while, the smell gets a little overwhelming. I wore two sarees that day. I came in a pinky-peach 'tissue' saree (which I will post once I get the pix) and once my 'official' wedding saree was blessed by the priest, I had to go back and change into the lovely and damn intricately embroidered piece featured in the photo. It truly is beautiful. My husband on the other hand, wore a two piece - jipah (the top) and veyshti (sarongy thing) with sandals. It may look simple but its made of Fiji Silk which is damn expensive by the way. And before I forget, nice kan my bouquet? The whole ceremony was over by 7:30pm but the happy couple were stuck on stage for an additional two hours to layan well wishers and ang pow bearers.

Some inspiring music...

One - U2

Is it getting better?

Or do you feel the same?

Will it make it easier on you now?

You got someone to blame

You say One love One life

When it's one need

In the night One love

We get to share it

Leaves you baby if you

Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?

You act like you never had love

And you want me to go without

Well it's Too late Tonight

To drag the past out into the light

We're one, but we're not the same

We get to Carry each other

Carry each other

One Have you come here for forgiveness?

Have you come to raise the dead?

Have you come here to play Jesus?

To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?

More than a lot.

You gave me nothing,

Now it's all I got

We're one But we're not the same

Well we Hurt each other

Then we do it again

You say Love is a temple

Love a higher law

Love is a temple

Love the higher law

You ask me to enter

But then you make me crawl

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you got is hurt

One love One blood One life

You got to do what you should

One life With each other Sisters Brothers

One life But we're not the same

We get to Carry each other

Carry each other

One

One

Happy Things

6 things that truly make me happy (in no particular order):

1. Excited puppies, tongues hanging out, tails wagging uncontrollably. Never fails to put a smile on my face.

2. A perfect sunny day with the sand under my feet and the horizon my vista. Helps if I have a frozen beer in one hand. *Wink*

3. Shopping. As worldy as it sounds. It's therapeutic and I love it.

4. The whole Christmas season. The shopping (oops...more shopping), the excitement, the decorating, the family getting together, the friends, the food, presents, going to mass two hours earlier...ok maybe not the last one.

5. Pampering myself during my alone time. Manicures. Pedicures. Long showers. Scrubs and masks. Flipping through fashion magazines while waiting for my nails to dry.

6. Trips with Bala. To anywhere. I love the packing, the travelling, whether it's in a plane, train, bus, car...so exciting. The hanging out together in a foreign place, the exploring.

Had it up to...

I am so fed up of being stuck in the middle of two people who just cant get along. It's so effing frustrating...

Inspiring...

Today

Before you think of saying an unkind word

Think of someone who can't speak

Before you complain about the taste of your food

Think of someone who has nothing to eat

Before you complain about your husband or wife

Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion

TodayBefore you complain about life

Think of someone who went too early to heaven

Before you complain about your children

Think of someone who desires children but they're barren

Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep

Think of the people who are living in the streets

Before whining about the distance you drive

Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet

And when you are tired and complain about your job

Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another

Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one maker

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down

Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Life is a giftLive it...Enjoy it...Celebrate it...And fulfill it.

And while you are at it give love to someone today

Love someone with what you do and the words you say

Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden

So give it away "Give Love to someone today!"

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Random Pix

Right: KT and me right after Pussy Cat Dolls

concert at Sunway Lagoon wave pool. It was a bit disappointing.





Left: Mummy and daddy dearest with their pride and enjoy, cucu no.1. Taken 2 days ago in a play-house at Ikea. Talk about devotion.






Left: 5 very fine girls about to have a very fine night out in the town...watch out KL, here we come!

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

You Are 52% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Let's Get Quizzical

You Are Cindy Brady

Warm hearted and sweet, you have a childlike innocence that lets you see the good in everyone.But you're also a bit of a baby. You stick your nose where it doesn't belong... and cry when you get caught!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatbradyareyouquiz/">What Brady Are You?

You May Be a Bit Dependent...

You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned. You need a lot of support in your life, at all times. It's difficult for you to survive on your own... And you don't reallly think you ever could.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

You Are 42% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Party Time

left to right: Big, small, koochirat.

At Chili's on my birthday. A real treat having dinner with the B, my wonderful sister's, Shannon baby and of course The Nanny.

As tradition goes, the birthday girl/boy gets the birthday song and free mud pie with ice-cream. There were 3 other people celebrating their birthday that night. Shannon celebrated them all! Did you know that Chili's makes the best mashed potatoes? Yum!

My surprise birthday party at Pantai Panorama organized by my darling Allessandro. Well, there were three other people celebrating too...

Back row left to right: Sumathi (Bala's sis-in-law), Eyasmin, Myself and Pu Nie

Front row: Shannon the cutie

Sumathi's birthday is on the 25th (same year) and Eyasmin & Pu Nie share the same birthday ( 3 years apart)

1) Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Puan Leong
2) Where was your first date?
Center Point or Poring Cinema. Or both. I forget.
3) Have you ever seriously vandalised someone else's property?
If making fake poop with mud+water and dumping it in front of our neighbours doorsteps,
right next to the milk bottles counts, YES!
4) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
All the time. They actually listen when you do.
5) Have you ever sang infront of a large number of people?
Negara Ku in front of an audience of roughly 15. Not a large crowd, I know. I was doing
fine till i panicked at the end and i went totally off-track. That is why I was a reserve in
our school choir, sama si Cheryl Goh.
7) What do you usually order from starbucks?
Cappuccino
8) What is your biggest mistake?
Not saving money since I started working
9) Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Nope
10 ) Say something totally random about you?
I have a light birthmark on my upper belly
11) Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yes. Michelle Pfiffer
12) Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Only bits of Barney when I'm babysitting the niece
13) Did you have braces?
No.
14) Are you comfortable with your height?
Yeah.
15) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has said to you?
I oso shy
16) When do you know it's love?
When you cherish every moment together, be it in the middle of an argument or a romantic evening out
17) Do you speak any other languages?
BM. I wish I could speak some other language, Italian maybe
18) Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
Why go to a salon when you can lie down under the glorious Malaysian sun
19) What magazines do you read?
Home & Garden, any housy magazines
20) Have you ridden in a limo?
No
21) Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
Nope
22) Do you watch mtv?
On occassion. Channel surfing
23) What's something that really annoys you?
In-your-face people especially during PMS
24) What's something you really like?
My notebook
25) Do you like michael jackson?
Before he got too freaky - ditto Yo
26) Can you dance?
I love to dance
27) What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
Does not sleeping the night count?
28) Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
Yes. First time drinking at home with rol
29) Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Nope
30) What do you wish for?
I wish for pure joy

FURY

"Yes I think he deserves to die, and I hope he burns in hell!"

Samuel L. Jackson in the famous courtroom scene from A Time To Kill.

Isn't this song just da bomb?

"Ironic"

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought...it figuresMr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought"Well isn't this nice..."

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought...it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It's meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought...it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

Helping you out

Shannon's a Genius

Her wide vocab includes:

"I farted. Pooot!" (while tapping her little bottom)

"Twain, twain. Look! Wowwww... " (while pointing at the LRT speeding by)

" I cook." (while main masak-masak with her 'kalitong')

Offers you her 'cooked' plastic chicken thigh and says, "Hott, hott. Blow" (blows on the 'chicken')

When Ots mentions the big waves in Bali, Shannon goes, "Daddy come, waves. Come daddy. Bigck."

If she doesn't want you to leave, "You. Sit here." (points to the sofa)

If she wants something and can't reach it, "Hugck. Hucgk." This is to get you to carry her. She knows there will be many volunteers coz free hugs are rare.

" Ah-pi-yu" (means I LOVE YOU - influenced by her filipina nanny)

Answer to, whats your name? "Hannen"

Answer to, how old are you? "One"

Barney is, "Mah-nee"

Sara her 'bantal busuk' is, "Ra-Ra"

Where's Allen? Points at her daddy

Where's Otta? Points at her mummy

Where's Mila? Points at her nanny

If her daddy asks her to show everyone how she sleeps, she will lie down on the bed, close her eyes (curi-curi tengok oso got la) and make snoring noises.

She is so damn cute la. Such a proud aunty oh me. *sigh*

The things we do under the influence...

"Y' is for Yolanda

My Fren Sel...

Wishing you a very...

With Lots of...

And...

But most of all, I wish you...

And ...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Bali - May 2006

Planning a holiday? I highly recommend Bali. It was nothing like I expected. It was so much more than I expected. The people are wonderful except when they're in your face trying to get you to buy bangles at 'morning price' or 'lucky price just for you' or get a manicure (which costs only RM8). When you wave your hand to refuse, they repeat their name several times so that when (not if) you change your mind, you'll know who to look for. We (Bala and I) arrived at Ngurah Rai airport around 2pm on Monday. Paid RM60 for the airport-hotel transfer. Checked into Casa Padma Hotel (above) in Legian, freshened-up and set out to explore Kuta Town. The architecture is beautiful, unique to Bali alone. Their culture is very different and so interesting. There are little altars in every store, restaurant, pub and home. Every morning, the Balinese make offerings to their Gods in the form of small square trays weaved from coconut leaves. The trays are filled with flowers, food offerings like biscuits or rice. They burn insense and pray over the trays. You have to be wary not to step on one as they are littered all over town. There are quaint restaurants and hotels everywhere. One thing Bala and I were determined to do was have a traditional Balinese massage. While walking through town, we stumbled upon Roses Spa. They offer a 4 hour couple spa treatment for Rm240. That's not an offer you can resist. So we kicked off our shoes, well more than just our shoes and there we were, in bliss.... The spa includes whole body massage, body mask and scrub, facial and a head massage plus a dip in their jacuzzi, which was beautiful but freezing cold, no hot water unfortunately. Traditional Balinese music is very soothing but after a while it can get very hypnotizing. Four hours later we found ourselves in a trance-like state and hungry as hell. Several meters away from Roses Spa is Ketupat, an authentic Indonesian restaurant. Bali is famous for two dishes, Babi Guling and Bebek (duck), both of which we didn't try. Ketupat is an impressive restaurant lit up by candles and decorated with traditional Balinese art and crafts. Tables are either located within the main restaurant building, which is off-set by a tempting swimming pool or tucked in little romantic corners around the shady compound. The food is expensive and not extraordinary. I believe the dishes we ordered were not their specialty dishes. I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt, because the place is worth visiting just to indulge in the lush atmosphere. The next morning, we rented a car and driver to bring us to Ubud. A small market town to the east of Kuta, an hour drive away. On the way, we stopped by a batik factory and silver work shop. Small privately owned art galleries are everywhere. The works are beautiful but not cheap. You can bargain on most items down to 30-40% of the starting price. When you buy stuff from the ladies, they wave your money over their stuff. This they believe, will bring them good luck. Superstitious lot. After getting all the goodies we were in search for, we left Ubud and made our way to Tanah Lot; a temple built within rock just off the coast line, North of Kuta. When the tide is low (as it is in the picture), it is possible to walk to across the rocky sea bed to the temple. No entry is allowed. If you look closely to the bottom left corner of the picture, you can see an indent to the rock. Within the walls runs a stream of fresh water. To receive a blessing, you drink water from the stream and a priest from the temple will recite a short prayer and adorn you with rice on the forehead and a single jasmine behind your ear. Quite interesting. From Tanah Lot we planned to make our way to Uluwatu, another temple. This place is famous for its magnificent sunsets and the 'Kecak', a traditional Balinese dance. As bad luck would have it, we didn't get to enjoy the sunset and 'Kecak' because our driver got the timing wrong and we could not get to Uluwatu in time. Oh well, there's always a next time. So we headed back to the hotel to chill at the bar and whack some balls. I do believe my game has improved. My first drink at the bar was Bintang Beer, Bali's locally brewed beer. It was light and bitter. Not one of my favorites. However, they make a damn good Bloody Mary. Dinner was at an Australian owned restaurant down the road from the Casa. I got the impression that before the bombings, this place was wild with diners and not somewhat deserted like it is now. Other bars and restaurants suffer a similar fate, just surviving. On the brighter side, Indonesians make a killer nasi goreng. They serve it with a bulls-eye, two sticks of satay in sweet peanut sauce and their famous keropok ikan. De-licious!

The third day we took it free and easy. We walked around Legian, down to Kuta, stepped into Hard Rock Bali, bought some t-shirts. It was drizzling. Once the sun decided to reveal itself again we slapped on some sun-block and headed to the beach. Kuta beach is nothing like I expected. It was quiet and and relaxing. Beach umbrellas and deck chairs can be rented. People were surfing and sunbathing, some getting massages or manicures and pedicures but other than that there was very little activity. I could sense that there was a time when this beach was bustling with people and alive with activity but after the bombings, no more. Bali has not healed, its so sad. Look at how clear and blue the sky is, its amazing.

The memorial built at the bombing site in honor of the bombing victims.

Our last morning in Bali was spent hanging out at the beach. Taking it all in, keeping the memories. We left for the airport at noon for a 2.30pm flight. We got ourselves checked in, had a quick McDonald's lunch which sucked by the way and boarded the plane. As it was about to take off, the pilot tells us they have some technical problems with the engine. Get me out of here! We end up stranded at the airport for 9 hours. Dinner was in a box, Garuda Airlines inflight food. Thanks to Air Asia, now everyone can fly, LATE!

Free Time?

For the past month, I have been dying at work. Caged in a bloody meeting room from 9am - 7pm. A half hour lunch break in between. Today is the first day in so long I have some free time and guess what? I am so fucking bored. What to do? I feel the onset of a headache. My body is hot and achy, my throat is sore. I feel sick and exhausted. On top of that, none of my projects seem to be going smoothly, road blocks at every corner, hiccups popping up everywhere. I have two huge, million-dollar projects going on simultaneously and there is this bitch (co-ordinating a itty-bitty project) who is bugging me about the location of a printer. A bloody printer! Do I look like I give a rats ass? People can be so damn difficult. Hey, wait a minute, I thought I had PMS for May already. I realize that I just got back from a holiday but I would really appreciate another one soon (updates on my Bali trip on the way ok). The more permanent kind. Damn you money! Why'd you have to be such a necessity? Work=Suffering. Why is it some colleagues choose to bug you about non-urgent matters on non-working days? Can't you talk to me tomorrow first thing in the morning? Don't these working people realize weekends are sacred? The two days of the week when your mind is allowed to escape from the grip of work. One phone call from the office and my day is ruined. It pisses me off you know.

Napkin

I was attending a friend's wedding at a seafood restaurant 2 Saturday's ago. Hilarious!