TESTIMONIAL #1

Last night an event did not turn out the way I hoped and expected. Don't sweat the small stuff my sister always says. And yea, it wasn't a big deal really. But to me, small things matter so much. I can't explain why. And this particular incident, although seemingly insignificant made me sad. I was disappointed and frustrated. To me it was a sign of things to come, a forming pattern that would keep on occurring (in different ways) until it did eventually amount to something significant or BIG. But as mentioned in my previous entry, I am now capable of blocking out negative thoughts (better than I used to anyway) and I tried to push it aside instead of allowing myself to turn into the drama queen that I am (hey, I didn't ask to be this way). So I told myself, "Pu let it be...." I bid my farewell to Ots and upon hearing her voice, I couldn't help but cry. Relax she told me, all will be fine. I know that. I thought of God and aknowledged his constant presence.

I am in the process of moving to Kajang and am clearing my room in stages. My car was loaded with clothes, boxes of books/magazines, my art stuff, etc. and I prepared for the drive back. I didn't want to cry but heck when your'e sad and there's no one there to comfort you, a few tears always help. So I allowed myself to let go. As I was driving down the hill, I switched on the radio and as usual, it's all crap. Then I remembered that I just got my ipod charged and uploaded with some praise and worship songs that Meriel had given me. I am instantly relieved that I at least have quality music to entertain me during my drive back. I always set my ipod on shuffle. I forget what the first song was but I skipped it. Then Alanis Morisette's Ironic came on and I skipped it too (but I love that song!). At that same moment I prayed for some praise and worship just to soothe my heavy heart. And of all the 115 hits and 20 p&w songs in my ipod, I hear a voice and this is what it says,

"God we lay down our burdens, our cares, our troubles before you because truly (music starts playing gently) you are our all in all, you are our king of kings, and we worship you today, we praise your name because of who you are and what youv'e done for us...."

The moment I hear these comforting words, I break down sobbing. This time tears of pure joy (remember the joy I was looking for?). Overcome with peace. He spoke to me and assured me that when I am troubled or broken, all I have to do is seek Him and I will be free and made whole again. The feeling was AMAZING, I felt like I could do anything, overcome everything. I could not stop thanking Him over and over again. I have always felt God's presence in my life but this time it rushed through me stronger than ever before.

And then, the song starts....

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that i seek

You are my all in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel

Lord to give up I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising again I bless your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down you pick me up

When I am dry you fill my cup

You are my all in all

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Jesus lamb of god

Worthy is your name

Although an old song that I have known for ages now, You Are My All In All (by Hillsong if I am not mistaken) has recently (some months now) touched me in a way never before and I've made a request for it to be played during my wedding as I walk down the isle. Now more than before, it holds special meaning to me.

True happiness - joy is something we have to work hard to achieve and an experience we need to constantly nurture and continuously grow.

One last thing, I received a promotion today. Not the one that I have been waiting for but maybe something better. Praise the Lord!

Happy people make me wanna barf

I have been reading people's blogs lately and it makes me sick how happy some people can be. I know I sound bitter. I am. Honestly, is it really possible to be THAT happy? It's disgusting. It's not that I'm depressed or anything. I just can't help it if I find it annoying that some people seem to live in a fairy tale of happily ever after. Why is it I am not deliriously happy??

I've tried it all. Think happy thoughts, always be positive, take each day at a time, pray and let God, etc. They all kinda work to a certain extent, and yea I'm 'happy' for that moment but then I'm back where I started in no time. Praying helps and I feel relief and am able to keep myself above average in the happiness department but still, something is lacking. I need the happiness or joy to run through me and live in me. Inside, I am just blek. I want to be thrilled and eager to live life. I want to be excited to see what tomorrow brings. I want to be me. I want US. I want peace.

What have I to look forward to? The future stresses me out. Not thinking about it helps. The constant worry I have over my future happiness is stopping me from experiencing happiness now. I have actually mastered the art of blocking all (ok not all, just about 80% of) negative thoughts out of my head, which is great but in the process I've come to realize happiness is not something that will surely follow. Why not?? True happiness - joy does not come about from something that happens to you or something someone does for you. It comes from within. How do I bring it out? How in the hell do happy people do it?

While waiting for an answer, I keep this verse close to heart:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,
And lean not on thine own understanding,
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct thy path.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Ach-ing

Today I wake up and I feel like my body has ran a marathon during the night without telling me. My neck, shoulders, down to my sides, lower back, arms, thighs and calves. Gosh! I'm aching all over. It's so hard to move anything, everything is just so heavy and achy. Obviously I didn't get a good nights sleep. Was tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position. Sleep came and went. The morning weather was so dreary that when my alarm rang at 7am the atmosphere outside looked more like 6am. That just made it so much harder to get out of my bed. It was still dark damnit! Lately, I have started to find my apartment kinda depressing. It doesn't feel like home. Did it ever Pu? Even my room is less appealing. My bed feels old and dirty (maybe coz it is?). I think it has a lot to do with the fact that everyone has gone home and I am left alone. The cheer has gone. All Meriel's luggage and the ruckuss outside till like 4am. Gone. The life sucked out of 3A-16-3. On top of that it doesn't help that my housemate has turned into The Grinch!

I don't like it when a house is all closed up and dark and unwelcoming. It's just too depressing. Uninviting. My home is going to be like walking into a ray of sunshine. The sun is going to shine through, you will be able to hear birds chirping outside, the cool occassional breeze, the smell of fresh air. Ahhh...I can see it now. Everything is white and fresh. The light curtains blown in the wind. The sound of soft soothing music. Me sitting in my studio, in the midst of creating some fantastic work of art. My flowers, roses, lavenders, freesias, lilies, lilacs, tulips, alazeas, all blooming in the garden. Their scents are blown through the house. Ok, getting a little unrealistic here. Snap out of it Pu. Me and my wishful thinking. *Sigh*

Time to focus on work!

1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT ?
Gash on my lower leg. I fell into the drain in front of my house.
2.WHERE ARE YOU?
My body is at the office but my mind is focused on Christmas in KK.
3.WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It's black and looks like any other mobile phone.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Right now Christmas songs, before this your basic Mix FM shit and before that Hitz and Fly.
5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
Nada.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To be home sweet home doing nothing sweet nothing.
7.WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I miss my asband and my home in KK.
8.WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
I really should find out.
9. WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
He did.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Sumtaims after horror story exchanges yes.
12. YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD
Need you ask? Japanese.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PERFUME?
Right now Envy Me by Gucci.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
It's not like we have so much choice here in Malaysia. Does it even matter?
15. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
When I need em sure!
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Energy drinks.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni and cheese rules.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Hana Maki OR Ngau Chap with the lada and vinegar.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Bala.
20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Yes.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
The first gift I can remember is the glow worm from my mummy.
22. DO U LIKE SOMEONE?
I like a lot of people.
23. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Yea man, FOS.
24. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
I've gone through so many, I don't even know anymore. For now i'd really just love a Cygnus.
25. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
Done it.
26. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
As if you can help/stop it.
27. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Putting their needs first, or second or third depending on how much they mean to you.
28. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED
28.
29. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes?
30. WHO IS THE ONE PERSON YOU CALL OFTEN?
Bala.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU?
The way Mr. Stoner looks and talks. And right now, a whole load of other things as well.
34. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
My heart. It could also be considered a strength I guess.
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
A crucifix from my husband.
36. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
I'm sure I have. Can't think of one though.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Work/Chatting.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT COULD IT BE?
If I could, I wouldn't.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My skin (not right now though).
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES BECAME ILLEGAL?
Nothing.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Birthday's and gifts are getting old.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
Right now 3.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Nope.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
All fingers on my right hand.
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Friday night during the conference.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Not really. I don't hate it though.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAL?
Anything goes really.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Lip biting.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Teda.
54. YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF?
Yes I think so.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Many times.

One word. RELIEF

You see the picture? Well, this is exaclty how I feel. I was afraid to proclaim it earlier but it's been 3 days and I think it's safe to say, IT'S OVER PU! The relief I have been waiting so long for.

Today is Monday and also the first time in ages that I have managed to focus at work, get organized and not want to kill my 'stoner' boss when he dumps work on me (however, the sight of him still annoys me). Oh, and I don't feel like dying anymore. THANK YOU GOD. Now let's see if I can pull myself together enough to clean up my room, do the laundry and fold my once-clean clothes....

Last Friday night, my kid sister convinced me to attend the last night rally for Planet Shakers conference held at Sunway Convention Center in Pyramid. There were over 2000 people packed in the hall. Stepping inside, I instantly felt old. Little teenies everywhere. Anyway, by the looks of the set-up, you would never guess a Christian conference was about to go on. It looked more like a rock concert. I half expected to see some dude from Blink 182 jump out. Instead a pastor popped out from no where with his electric guitar and started bouncing about and running from one end of the stage to the other shouting out praise n worship rocker style. It was quite exhilirating and a totally out-of-this-world experience. The singing, jumping, praising, head-banging, rejoicing, clapping was followed by a talk by another pastor. Not your ordinary talk neither, this guy made you burst into laughter every 2 minutes. It was fun and effective. No wonder so many youth are crazy about these (Planet Shakers, Hillsong) Christian movements. I am really glad I decided to go. To top it all off, I was pleasantly surprised when I bumped into an old uni mate sitting on the same row!

I was about to let myself feel down in the dumps and depressed, then I reminded myself, "Pu you have a wedding to plan, pull yourself together and enjoy the moment!" So here I am announcing to the world details of my upcoming wedding....

First things first, MY WEDDING GOWN. I wish I could have taken a picture. Its off-white and a tube with a long trane - probably a little over a meter. My initial plan was to have something real simple but when I tried on the gowns, I said to myself, "How can we NOT go all the way??!!". It's in full floral lace with the waist-line just under the breasts with diamond-like stones that go all the way round. It's quite fitting around the torso and A-line all the way down. Sounds simple I know, but boy is it bea-u-tiful! Perfecto!

My evening gown is real fragile chiffon also in off-white. I want to look the bride all the way! It's a v-neck with thin spaghetti straps and bits of embroidery & sequin between the breasts. Like my wedding gown, it also has an under-the-breast sort of waist-line with an extra flowy piece of chiffon that comes down at the center. A little romantic effect. He he. Forgive me, my 'techincal knowledge' in dress design is a little crappy.

I NEED to discuss my shoes as well. Three words, gold, glittery and glamorous! You need to see them for yourself so here they are, TADA!

Next, MY THEME. I am going to set a world record for most number of bridesmaids. I will have 7 beautiful maids! You don't know how important it is to me and how happy I am to have all my closest gals with me as I make my way down the aisle to say I DO. These 7 lovely lasses will be draped in my favorite color of all time, RED. Ok, I know what you're thinking, sakit mata! It's not a tacky red, it's deep and delicious. So no sakit mata ok, promise. So, my theme will be a mix of off white and deep red. Just for the yin-yang effect, I will be clutching a huge bouquet of deep red roses and the gals will have smaller white roses to hold. To cut the cost, I have plans on having DIY bouquets. I stumbled upon this site that teaches you how to make your own simple but beautiful bouquets. You can check it out as well at DIY Bouquets.

I am trying to upload some pictures but blogger is not co-operating. Darn!

Pu's Siem Reap Adventure

This is Mia after 10.5 shots of vodka-lime & sugar. It took me 9 shots to get to this pathetic state....

Going....

Going....

Gone!

Oh, by the way, we were on the way back to the hotel on our 'tuk-tuk'. Carol & Yo were sitting directly opposite us. Thanks Yo for the shots!

I IS MARRIED

Wow! Hello again blogging world! I am back from my sabbatical. I can't begin to explain how much has happend between now and the last time I was at this 'spot'. Gee...contemplating on whether or not I should share every last detail of the goings-on in my life....

Where do I start? Yes, that is my arm inside that steel bucket filled with the mud-like water (it's actually sandalwood mixed with water). And yes, the darker, furry arm belongs to my husband/suami/lau-kung/esposo/mume, however you wanna say it! The Hindu priest made us play this 'cute' game where he tosses a gold ring (bought for the bestman, who was Allen Lim by the way, ie. my brother-in-law) into the bucket and both husband and wife have to fight for it. Bala won 2 out of the 3 times we played. I only won the last time coz he let me! To those who know not or are still in shock, here are some details of the weddings:

Indian Ceremony

Date: 1st December 2006 ( registration/legal marriage was on the 30th November 2006)

Place: Mewah Club, Kajang

Time: 6:00pm and reception thereafter

Catholic Service

Date: 20th January 2007

Place: Sacred Heart Cathedral, Kota Kinabalu

Time: 10:30am

Reception: The Pacific Sutera, Sutera Harbor at 6:30pm

TADA! So ok, I was not keen on posting this picture coz I think I look like shit, but what the heck. I'll keep it here till I get better shots. The garlands bah! They are not only huge but they weigh a tonne as well. Oh, and after a while, the smell gets a little overwhelming. I wore two sarees that day. I came in a pinky-peach 'tissue' saree (which I will post once I get the pix) and once my 'official' wedding saree was blessed by the priest, I had to go back and change into the lovely and damn intricately embroidered piece featured in the photo. It truly is beautiful. My husband on the other hand, wore a two piece - jipah (the top) and veyshti (sarongy thing) with sandals. It may look simple but its made of Fiji Silk which is damn expensive by the way. And before I forget, nice kan my bouquet? The whole ceremony was over by 7:30pm but the happy couple were stuck on stage for an additional two hours to layan well wishers and ang pow bearers.

Some inspiring music...

One - U2

Is it getting better?

Or do you feel the same?

Will it make it easier on you now?

You got someone to blame

You say One love One life

When it's one need

In the night One love

We get to share it

Leaves you baby if you

Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?

You act like you never had love

And you want me to go without

Well it's Too late Tonight

To drag the past out into the light

We're one, but we're not the same

We get to Carry each other

Carry each other

One Have you come here for forgiveness?

Have you come to raise the dead?

Have you come here to play Jesus?

To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?

More than a lot.

You gave me nothing,

Now it's all I got

We're one But we're not the same

Well we Hurt each other

Then we do it again

You say Love is a temple

Love a higher law

Love is a temple

Love the higher law

You ask me to enter

But then you make me crawl

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you got is hurt

One love One blood One life

You got to do what you should

One life With each other Sisters Brothers

One life But we're not the same

We get to Carry each other

Carry each other

One

One

Happy Things

6 things that truly make me happy (in no particular order):

1. Excited puppies, tongues hanging out, tails wagging uncontrollably. Never fails to put a smile on my face.

2. A perfect sunny day with the sand under my feet and the horizon my vista. Helps if I have a frozen beer in one hand. *Wink*

3. Shopping. As worldy as it sounds. It's therapeutic and I love it.

4. The whole Christmas season. The shopping (oops...more shopping), the excitement, the decorating, the family getting together, the friends, the food, presents, going to mass two hours earlier...ok maybe not the last one.

5. Pampering myself during my alone time. Manicures. Pedicures. Long showers. Scrubs and masks. Flipping through fashion magazines while waiting for my nails to dry.

6. Trips with Bala. To anywhere. I love the packing, the travelling, whether it's in a plane, train, bus, car...so exciting. The hanging out together in a foreign place, the exploring.

Had it up to...

I am so fed up of being stuck in the middle of two people who just cant get along. It's so effing frustrating...

Inspiring...

Today

Before you think of saying an unkind word

Think of someone who can't speak

Before you complain about the taste of your food

Think of someone who has nothing to eat

Before you complain about your husband or wife

Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion

TodayBefore you complain about life

Think of someone who went too early to heaven

Before you complain about your children

Think of someone who desires children but they're barren

Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep

Think of the people who are living in the streets

Before whining about the distance you drive

Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet

And when you are tired and complain about your job

Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another

Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one maker

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down

Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Life is a giftLive it...Enjoy it...Celebrate it...And fulfill it.

And while you are at it give love to someone today

Love someone with what you do and the words you say

Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden

So give it away "Give Love to someone today!"

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Random Pix

Right: KT and me right after Pussy Cat Dolls

concert at Sunway Lagoon wave pool. It was a bit disappointing.





Left: Mummy and daddy dearest with their pride and enjoy, cucu no.1. Taken 2 days ago in a play-house at Ikea. Talk about devotion.






Left: 5 very fine girls about to have a very fine night out in the town...watch out KL, here we come!

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

You Are 52% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Let's Get Quizzical

You Are Cindy Brady

Warm hearted and sweet, you have a childlike innocence that lets you see the good in everyone.But you're also a bit of a baby. You stick your nose where it doesn't belong... and cry when you get caught!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatbradyareyouquiz/">What Brady Are You?

You May Be a Bit Dependent...

You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned. You need a lot of support in your life, at all times. It's difficult for you to survive on your own... And you don't reallly think you ever could.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

You Are 42% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Party Time

left to right: Big, small, koochirat.

At Chili's on my birthday. A real treat having dinner with the B, my wonderful sister's, Shannon baby and of course The Nanny.

As tradition goes, the birthday girl/boy gets the birthday song and free mud pie with ice-cream. There were 3 other people celebrating their birthday that night. Shannon celebrated them all! Did you know that Chili's makes the best mashed potatoes? Yum!

My surprise birthday party at Pantai Panorama organized by my darling Allessandro. Well, there were three other people celebrating too...

Back row left to right: Sumathi (Bala's sis-in-law), Eyasmin, Myself and Pu Nie

Front row: Shannon the cutie

Sumathi's birthday is on the 25th (same year) and Eyasmin & Pu Nie share the same birthday ( 3 years apart)

1) Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Puan Leong
2) Where was your first date?
Center Point or Poring Cinema. Or both. I forget.
3) Have you ever seriously vandalised someone else's property?
If making fake poop with mud+water and dumping it in front of our neighbours doorsteps,
right next to the milk bottles counts, YES!
4) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
All the time. They actually listen when you do.
5) Have you ever sang infront of a large number of people?
Negara Ku in front of an audience of roughly 15. Not a large crowd, I know. I was doing
fine till i panicked at the end and i went totally off-track. That is why I was a reserve in
our school choir, sama si Cheryl Goh.
7) What do you usually order from starbucks?
Cappuccino
8) What is your biggest mistake?
Not saving money since I started working
9) Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Nope
10 ) Say something totally random about you?
I have a light birthmark on my upper belly
11) Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yes. Michelle Pfiffer
12) Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Only bits of Barney when I'm babysitting the niece
13) Did you have braces?
No.
14) Are you comfortable with your height?
Yeah.
15) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has said to you?
I oso shy
16) When do you know it's love?
When you cherish every moment together, be it in the middle of an argument or a romantic evening out
17) Do you speak any other languages?
BM. I wish I could speak some other language, Italian maybe
18) Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
Why go to a salon when you can lie down under the glorious Malaysian sun
19) What magazines do you read?
Home & Garden, any housy magazines
20) Have you ridden in a limo?
No
21) Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
Nope
22) Do you watch mtv?
On occassion. Channel surfing
23) What's something that really annoys you?
In-your-face people especially during PMS
24) What's something you really like?
My notebook
25) Do you like michael jackson?
Before he got too freaky - ditto Yo
26) Can you dance?
I love to dance
27) What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
Does not sleeping the night count?
28) Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
Yes. First time drinking at home with rol
29) Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Nope
30) What do you wish for?
I wish for pure joy

FURY

"Yes I think he deserves to die, and I hope he burns in hell!"

Samuel L. Jackson in the famous courtroom scene from A Time To Kill.