Thursday, January 05, 2006

To Feel Or Not To Feel?

Given a choice, would you rather have extreme feelings or no feelings at all? Which would be better? Let's consider. Being deeply and truly in love. Meeting a dear long-lost friend for the first time in 20 years. The birth of your first born child. Winning the lottery. Getting a CLS-350 for your birthday. Your wedding day perhaps. Acquiring that much desired promotion. Steaming Nasi Lemak from your favorite stall after being away from the country for 5 years. You are named Unduk Ngadau 2005. All this would evoke extreme feelings of happiness, pure joy, pride, excitment, bliss, satisfaction, contentment, you name it!

On the other hand, should someone you love tragically die in an accident, you will experience unbearable pain, heartache, depression, sadness. Or if the quaint coffee shop you've struggled all your life to own suddenly gets burned to cinders. You find out your husband of 20 years has been cheating on you for the last 19. Your son hates you. You're fat and ugly. Hmmm, induced feelings of wanting to die, loneliness, betrayal, hatred, more sadness, uselessness, hopelessness, wanting to give up, quit.

Imagine not knowing what its like to be in love or be loved. To not feel a mother's love. A husbands touch. Or not being able to feel the glorious morning sun in your face. How a juicy piece of lamb chop tastes, or a huge bowl of seafood tom yam, whatever your fancy. Salmon Sashimi! *gasp* Picture being unable to enjoy any of life's simple pleasures. The beauty of nature, exotic animals, even cute cuddly pets, the magnificence of Mount Kinabalu on a clear morning, white sandy beaches, blue crystal waters, massive raging waterfalls. Sex. Sex. Oh, to experiene all these wonders and feel nothing!! Now envision you've flattened Snowball, your beloved kitten while rushing to work on a Monday morning. Think back to when you had your first crush and found out that he actually preferred your best friend. Or your last love who has cut you so deep to the point where the wound will never heal. Suppose everyone around you has disappointed you in one way or another and there is no one you can depend on, no one to turn to. Think of physical pain - child birth, final stage cancer, stab wound, hunger. Someone you care for raped. A kaleidoscope of horrendous feelings flushed down the drain just like that, should you have no feelings at all. Feel no pain, no heartache or anger, no despair, no emptiness, or loneliness. So, which will it be, to feel or not to feel? I would choose, to feel zilch.