Friday, December 04, 2009

She's Here!

I have been desperately anticipating Novita's arrival but when hubs informed me we were to pick her up from the agent the next day, I was anxious. I had not prepared her daily schedule. How do I begin training her? A stranger coming to stay with us. Would she be pleasant? She seemed decent in her profile picture. Would the babies warm up to her? She has two of her own so she should know how to handle little children, I consoled myself.

It's been two weeks since her first day and Kakak Novie has pretty much settled in our home. To my surprise and relief, the children did not take long to warm up to their new kakak. Elil is easily won over. Chase her around the house a little, hide from the monsters with her, read a book about animals and you are her new best friend. Nila however, not so easy to convince. She is fine for a while with Kakak as long as mummy is not within sight and earshot. But surprise surprise, today for the first time she fell asleep in Novie's arms. In fact, she's in the sling on Novie right this minute. It's a relief that I am finally able to have some time to myself. However, a part of me still wants to be the one to do EVERYTHING for Nila (and Elil still). It's me being insecure and possessive but we'll get into that another time.

I did not know what to expect from our new help cum nanny. I hoped I did not have to explain to her what Clorox Bleach is and how to boil water on the gas stove or how to use a vacuum cleaner. I've heard so many stories. Luckily, she knows how to handle most electrical appliances and is familiar with all the cleaning agents. She is neat and well mannered. Clean and gentle especially with the babies. My house is not as immaculately perfect as it once was. But this I have allowed deliberately. I tell myself, a home with 2 children is meant to be a little messy. So what if everything is not exactly where it should be all the time? Yes, I have loosened up. And for now it seems we have created a comfortable routine for ourselves.

Friday, November 06, 2009

During my absence...

While I have been away, I have made many notes to myself on things I MUST write about. As I lay down at night (during those 2 seconds before I fall asleep), some experiences come back to me. This one in particular was truly a light bulb moment that I cannot not share with you. I am sure everyone will be able to relate to it in some way (regardless of your religion/thought)....

A visiting priest to HFK talked about happiness, about joy. He spoke of how happiness is the most intimate desire of every person walking this planet; of how very few people are able to say they are truly full of JOY. Father (I forget his name) quoted the words of a Brother (I forget his name) somewhere in Italy I believe who identifies 3 truly simple ways to be happy, happy all the way to the core. And here they are:

1. Have no attachments. Do not attach yourself to anything material. We all know THINGS can't ultimately bring us JOY. Although they are indeed fun to HAVE their shine will eventually fade. DO NOT ATTACH YOURSELF TO ANOTHER PERSON. Father says, "In freedom let go and in freedom they will return". Don't cling onto your husband/wife or your children. They don't belong to you.

2. In all things GIVE THANKS. Oh how this was a slap across the face. So many times I find myself asking God, "Why? Why couldn't You make it easier?Why can't it go my way for once?" And even though at the end of the day, many things don't go MY way. I try to accept that it went His way. And that I need to trust His way. Because at the end of the day His way is the best way for me. So in all things, give thanks. Be grateful for anything and everything. Be grateful for your shitty day, it could have been worse.

3. Stay close to God. Pray. Pray. Pray. Read the Bible. Something I really should but don't do. My prayers of late have been very simple indeed. I don't ask for much. I just ask for strength. And sometimes it's all you really need to have a good day, a good week. I ask to be able to love more. Even when darn it, some people don't seem worth it!

And so there it is. Easy peasy. Try it. Practice it. I believe you will find more JOY in your life and spread that JOY to the people around you.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I'm baaakk!

Oh my, I have been absent for far too long. Neglected my dear blogs. So much has happend since I stopped work. My home looks very different from my last entry. Still a slow work in progress but I do what I can. Elil has grown so much since December last year. She is a big sister now. She is my big baby still though.

I was thinking of how to begin with an update of the goings-on in the last 8 months. I dont know where to begin. So I have decided that I am going to leave the past 8 months of my life blank. Updates on Elil and Nila I will post in their individual blogs. Oh you can check out Nila's blog at Sweets For My Sweet . I have yet to upload her adorable pictures so please be patient.

Nila is the sweetest baby in the world. All smiles all the time. Such a joy to behold! I have been breastfeeding her exclusively for the past 6 months. Direct from the breast too. The milk bottle is a stranger to her. She has been on semi solids for a few weeks now. I started her off with rice cereal mixed with ebm. She now enjoys mashed banana and homemade apple sauce with a pinch of cinnamon. I want to give her avocado as well.

Another thing I do have to mention is that I have been maidless for the past 2 months! I realize that this is not your typical life and death situation. Afterall, many SAHM's are coping well with far more babies to love and hug, feed and nurse, scream at and spank occassionally.... Thing is, I have had Mon since day 1 and to suddenly have to manage a large home and 2 babies, one of whom is hyperactive and refuses to sleep and the other who needs attention round the clock (as in you need to sit and play with her all the time. CANNOT be left alone) is INSANE. I must admit though it was difficult in the beginning, were finally getting into a comfortable routine. However, my days are filled with the babies, so there is no time for house cleaning, other than squeezing in the laundry and dishes. I do not cook. We have got a part-time maid to do cleaning twice a week. I tried to manage the cleaning and cooking initially but figured it was too stressful and tiring, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Screw the house work Pu! Concentrate on giving your kids the best of you! Ok so for now, all is pretty well.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Immediate & Near Future Plans

Ok so I have been thinking. I will officially be a stay at home mom in 2 days. I can imagine a hundred things to do, a hundred ways to pass the time. Other than being full-time with Elil, there is so much to do at home. We moved into our new home in November last year, that makes it 3 months. Progress has been slow. But slow is better than rushed. And so I have come up with a list of things to do (things I can do given my current state) at home:

1. I'd really like to complete my pond/waterfall project. The pond is there, the hole has been dug. We have the pump. The plants have been selected and await replanting. Only thing missing is manpower. I don't have the strength to do it alone. Hubs doesn't seem too interested (when he does have the time) and well its been raining mad lately. So I have decided to put this on-hold till my mom is in town. If you don't know Aunty Phil, mom = manpower + feedback + pond-making experience.

2. Paint Elil's playroom. I have a post on this in my HOME blog, you can check it out here. This project may take a while. I'll need to first determine the colors I will need, then get hubs to go out and get the paint. We'll need a big amount of pastel green and blue and probably just small cans of the other colors for the animals, etc. Secondly, I can only work on this when Elil is asleep or away. We're supposed to move the angel and her little sister (yes another angel on the way) in here when they are a little older, but it seems with all the toys (and plans I have for the room) there may not been enough space. Hubs is going to pull a fit.

3. Chair refurbishing. We have these really old wooden single seater frames from my in-laws. They are over 30 years old. We're currently working on stripping the paint off to expose the original wood grains. I want to either shellack it over or use some sort of wood oil to bring out the original shine/grain of the wood. Then all I need to do is get the cushions re-upholstered (in white) and voila, brand new retro seats! I saw something similar in a magazine and feel in love with it. So I am anxiously waiting to see the end result.

4. Shopping. I really need to use the extra time I will have to look for extra knick-knacks to decorate my home. It's quite bare at this moment. My walls are blank and we have only the basic furniture. My home is a work in progress. But I am in no rush. It's more rewarding and meaningful when you collect beautfiul pieces be it a huge sofa or a small ornament here and there instead of having an insta-house. It's nice too when hubs grabs souvenirs from different parts of the world. Finding the right place for each item is also very important. So like I in progress.

5. Create a work schedule for Mon (and myself too). Right now she doesn't have a fixed schedule from me because she is shuttled from my place to my in-laws daily. And well there is very little time left for her to clean up our home. So I give her freedom in cleaning the house as she sees fit. Of course there will be comments from me every now and then. However, I do let a lot of things slide.

6. Hit the gym (or some form of exercise) after my confinement. This is the year where I intend to keep my health in check. My mother told me on New Year's that she started serious exercising (gym/yoga/jogging/hill-climbing) at the age of 30 and has continued to do so till today. I turn 30 this year and if ever I have a new year's resolution, I guess this would be it! To focus on my health (and to get hubs to do the same).

7. Make friends. Going to work. Spending all my time outside of work with Elil. Trying to make-up for all that lost time. Has turned me into a hermit. No life outside being a mother and a wife. I know this seems impossible now that our 2nd baby is on the way but I am determined to have a balanced life. Where I take care of my personal needs as well. And that includes having friends, be it my beer chicas (can't be doing the beer thing anytime soon though) or other young mamas around the KL area.

8. Spending more quality/alone time with the hubby. Again this seems impossible with no. 2 on the way. But we'll make it happen, at least for the next 3 months! I know he longs to just hang out like we used to before our boo boo came along. We'll do more hanging out, watching movies, going to mamak, and all that.

9. Learning more recipes from my mother-in-law. Hubs is used to Indian food. He can't do without and it needs it daily practically. So will be popping by the in-laws to embrace the world of Indian (or maybe just Mrs. Bala's) cuisine.

10. Try out Bento-ing. I have most of the tools but have yet to test them out. I will probably try something simple. But honestly I see myself doing this regularly only when Elil starts pre-school. I doubt she will know how to fully appreciate the yummy beauty of it until then. We'll see how it goes.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Thank You

You always find ways to touch me in mass every Sunday. And I feel refreshed by Your messages; Your soft prompting. As the weeks go by, trials find their way into my days, some in the form of little disputes with the hubby, others in life altering experiences or devastating news and it takes its toll on me. But I have learned in the the past year or so, to always try (sometimes that human nature in me gets in the way) to surrender to You. And to place You in every picture, every event no matter how small. Not once have You disappointed me. Not once have You failed me. And well this has been Your promise from the begining, no? And so last Sunday, you uplift my weary soul again through the words of this beautiful song....

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

And so I thank You Lord for the trials that come my way. Thank You. Thank You for my crosses to bear. In each I will grow stronger in You.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

OMG I had to post this immediately!

For you ladies who have experienced pretty bad morning sickness, check this out. I got it from Baby Center.

I seem to be salivating more than usual since I got pregnant. Is this normal?
Some women feel as though they're salivating more than usual during pregnancy, especially when they're nauseated. A few women have so much saliva they end up needing to spit to deal with it. Excessive salivation is called ptyalism or sialorrhea and is more common among women suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness.
OMG it's actually called SIALORRHEA! How appropriate!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

It was good when it was good. But good has long passed.

It's been seriously playing in my mind for the longest time now. About 6 months I might say. I have thought and thought about it. Wondered if it should be done. And 2 months ago I decided, yes it must be done. There is no hope for you anymore. The wounds will not heal in this place. I thought we could patch things up, maybe it would improve with the change. But no, we need to cut off ties. "Not now but in time", I said to myself. When? Nah, I give you till May 2009! "Hang in there Pu, you can do it!", I remind myself again. Since then, I've just been spiralling down. It's been hard keeping myself together on a daily basis. A constant struggle to stop myself from going mad. I need to let you go, cut you off for good. You are toxic to me and are not worth my time or effort. But still I have been hanging on, trying so hard to keep it together. I have my many reasons for hanging on, or trying to. Alas, the last thread has torn. And I am falling. You drain me. You bring me down. You make me feel like the dimness of your pea brain, like the stench of your filthy being, like the ego that has made you ugly, like the phony person you are, like the evil pride that consumes you, like the age catching up with you, like the racism that runs through your veins. I want to say I hate you. But I dont. Really. You just suck so bad you make me sick.

And so terday, (with blessings) I bid you farewell. Farewell for good. You smiled and gave me an exaggerated "Thank you!". Almost as if it was in your plan to drive me away. I am sure it was. Congratulations to you then, you succeed! You can have your victory dance with your clan in your next gathering. And with that I know for sure I made the right choice. I know it would have been unhealthy to hang on to something that was struggling to shake me off. Oh, how thick my face is sometimes. Great relief is what I feel now. About 20 kg's lighter too. But still I have my anxieties. Remember, I hung on so long for a reason! What lies for us in the future, only God knows. And so I will let Him guide me.

Goodbye P.H. and S.S.I. Goodbye.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

It's been a while

Too much has happend. Hard to find the time to recap. So here are some random shots from Christmas in KK. Wonderful, magical... as usual.

Cuzzins nennen time togeder-geder

Elil opened her Christmas gifts early Christmas morning coz she was fast asleep by the time we got back from mass.

She especially loves her dolly she lovingly named Elil. A gift from Aunty Ots. And her stroller from Aunty Pu Nie.

After a bit, she chucked baby Elil out of her stroller then went strolling baby-less.

"I don't want to come out mummy!"

"We want to bring Grandma's pond back to KL with us!!" said Shan, Elil & Ron.

Elil playing with the gayung the whole time. I can't understand the fascination.

Ron-Ron was in a fit when picked out from the water.

Shan here standing on water. Cool shot babe!

"Oh gayung-gayung how do I love thee...."

Elil merajuk while getting ready for Christmas mass. After a super long and hectic day.