I've been MIA

I really need to blog. I know. Just give me a while longer.

Blue Mummy Moment

I'm pretty much done with the first trimester. The morning sickness is showing signs of improvement but I don't seem to be getting my energy back. I still feel like a heavy sack of potatoes. All I want to do is sleep sleep sleep. I really need my energy back so I can go back to being the mother I once was to Elil and the wife my husband needs. It is so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. Elil has been waking up more during the night not so much for nennen but dreams or nightmares. When I return from work I have some energy in me to spare Elil. On Monday we played bubbles outside then she helped water the plants, more of like main air. She was so impressed with mummy's instant water fountain. And yesterday, I put her in the sling and we walked about the neighborhood. Visited the kids behind the house from Rumah Keluarga Kami. Really sweet, well-behaved bunch. I don't know if the carrying Elil around in a sling was a good idea because I could not straighten my back for a while after. By 7 in the evening though I feel like collapsing and never getting up again.

Nowadays Elil is back to her usual routine of sleeping by 9:30 - 10:00 pm most nights. I think this is a healthy time. Gives us mummy and daddy enough time with her before she's out for the night. Lately I have not been able to stay awake long enough to put her to bed. Most nights daddy is the one keeping an eye on her as she falls asleep. Mummy is right there fast asleep. Oh I feel so horrible about it. I don't play with her like I used to. I have to force myself to feed her dinner, giving her a bath takes so much energy, even washing her bum-bum is tiring. I feel like such a lousy mother. And I only have 6 months left with Elil before I have to start 'sharing'. I want to give her everything before then, all my time all my energy. But my body is not cooperating. As it is, most my time is spent away from her. I hate it. This isn't how it should be.

I want to be able to watch her wake up in the mornings. Prepare and feed her meals. Bath her and brush her teeth. Play with her, teach her. I want to be the one to teach her new words and hear her speak them for the first time. I want her to cling to me and know that I am always there with her. I want to make Bento meals for her and watch her amazement as she sees my creations. I want to clean her cd's and chuck 'em in the machine. I want to sing to her and listen to her sing with me before she dozes off for her afternoon nap. I want to be more of a mother, I want to be involved in more things. I don't want to hear it from someone else her achievements that day. I want to be the one telling the story to daddy.

And now with #2 on the way, it just takes away what little time I have with Elil to begin with. I feel like I'm neglecting her. I feel like I'm not there enough. And it sucks. It really sucks. I hate it. I rally hate it. *Sigh*

My Baby #2 Wishlist

I got tagged by Farrah and so this is my list of goodies....



1. Medela Freestyle Breastpump

With Elil I got the Medela Mini Electric Breastpump. But this was not suitable for longer pumping sessions and more for on-the-go sessions. Also, it is a single pump. After some research and input from Farrah, I decided I'm going with the Freestyle. I like the mobility, light-weightness, digital screen with memory capability. I have yt to figure out how I'm going to purchase one of these. Trying to find a nearer (than the US) source.

2. New BPA free bottles

I am switching bottles. After reading numerous articles on the dangers of BPA. I've decided to change all my bottles. Which brand? I don't know yet. But I do have a few in mind. Some possibilites include, Medela, Dr. Brown or MAM Ultivent. Will need to do more research and visit the retails before I make up my mind.

3. Cloth Diapers from Day 1

The best cloth diapers for newbies. Or so I heard. Going to get me a stash of these before the arrival of #2. I just love the sweet sweet colors.

4. Primo Viaggio Infant Car Seat

The Peg Perego Pliko P3 was our first baby purchase when expecting Elil. We got it when I was 5 months pregnant! Too irrisistable bah these things! We didn't get the matching and attachable car infant seat at the time because we had Shan's to inherit. This time round, no more passing back and forth baby items coz Ots will be delivering about a month after me so the babies are going to be needing this at the same time. With Elil and Ronan it is a 6 month gap, so it was perfect. I don't think they sell the Pliko P3 car infant seat anymore but the Primo Viaggio will do because it attaches to the stroller and well it comes in the right color!

5. Baby changing table

With Elil I didn't think it was really necessary to have a changing table. We had her chest of drawers that I used to change her on, with a changing mat of course. However, it just didn't feel right, it was too narrow and difficult to change a wriggly baby. It didn't have the safety walls around it and this made me feel insecure when changing her. And so, if I have the budget and I can find something simple and affordable, I will get one (with hidden storage) for baby #2. I quite like the one above. Elil's cot and bedding is all white and so this one will match fine. I don't know what it is with me and white these days....


6. A reclining chair
It would be great if I could get a Lazboy but those are like super expensive. I'd settle for anything comfortable. Fabric (not leather) preferably. Something cozy I can sink in while feeding the lil' one. I wanted one of these for when Elil came but could not quite afford it at the time. So heres hoping I can get one this time round.




7. Another Ring Sling

Rockin' Baby Ring Slings are super cool. I especially like this one called 'The Lullaby'. They are outrageously priced but are wonderfully designed. Check out their website here. I initally wanted to get a pouch but after trying out Ots pouch, it didn't quite fit right. I like the adjustability of a ring sling, daddy can use it too.

So yea, that's it. My wishlist for the second little miracle on the way!

RESPECT

"Respect is a funny thing - the more you demand of it, the less of it you get. Instead, the more you give, the more of it you receive in return."

I got it from someone's blog and I totally agree with it.

My Desk

This is my desk at the office. As you can see I can't live without my mints. If you are ever feeling nauseaous due to morning sickness I highly recommend Eclipse Winterfrost Mints. It helps to keep your meals down. Even Mo Far Kor kurang effective.

A pleasant suprise turned touching event

We were lazing around in bed mid Sunday morning, hoping the little angel would doze off for her morning nap when hubs suddenly remembered we had a full moon lunch to attend. We were discussing it just the day before how could it have slipped our minds! That's what being pregnant does to you, it robs you of your memory (which wasn't too great to begin with). I don't know what hubs excuse is. Oh yea blogging world, I'm expecting #2. So to answer your question Denna, yes I am ready for a second baby!

So I deviate from the purpose of this entry. We arrive Damansara Palace restaurant (Mutiara Damansara) at about 12:30 pm. It is a massive restaurant, more like a banquet hall. The full moon lunch was in a smaller sectioned off room at the rear. We had to walk across the massive ballroom to get to the other side. There was another event going on at the same time. The screens read "Friendship Lunch With Gurmit Singh". Gurmit Singh? Hubs turned to me and said, "Hey, is it THE Gurmit Singh?" Before I get a chance to answer him he goes "Yes! It's him, Phua Chu Kang is right there!" as he points to the main table right in front of the stage. He is dressed in blue jeans and a white shirt with a smart coat sans afro wig, mole and yellow boots. A boy in his teens and his little brother were having their picture taken with him. "We should have our picture taken too!" I quickly tell hubs. He tells me we can take it later on the way out. "He may not be here anymore on our way out!" I answer. So we walk over casually and ask Mr. Gurmit if we could have a picture with him. He is the most pleasant man. So down to earth, no celebrity air about him. I have Elil in my arms sleeping. The boy in his teens took our picture for us. It is quick, we thank him and I shake his hands and tell him how glad I am to meet him. He gives me a sweet and genuine smile and we walk off feeling very lucky and satifsifed with ourselves.

I am famished and am ready for some chinese lunch. It is buffet style (fine with me). We greet the new parents, Janice and Terence and congratulate them on their one month old tiny treasure. Oh the sweetness of a new born baby! Baby Evan is adorable! Ever the quai-quai baby who slept throughout the noisy Karaoke session. We find ourselves a table, hubs pushes 3 chairs together and lines them with Elil's Moms In Mind sling. I lay her down (knowing deep inside she will wake up in an instant!). Whadya know, mummy knows her angel so well. Her wide eyes open the moment she is out of my arms. I give her a minute to adjust to her new surroundings. The loud music startles her. About a minute and she is seated upright, ready for ACTION. Little kids running about everywhere! I tell hubs to watch Elil while I grab lunch. Roast duck and Sau Nyuk. Ahhh heaven! Plus they had the tapai chicken but alas sudah habis all the soup. Mengidam oh. Hubs could not eat the noodles and the fried rice but got some plain rice instead. The food I must say was pretty darn good.

And so we have our lunch, myself I have 3 rounds. Hubs looks at me in shock. "What? I'm hungry and I'm roast duck and sau nyuk deprived. PLUS I'm eating for 2 now!" Hubs smiles and decides to tell Janice that I'm 10 weeks in (yes, 10 weeks!) and simultaneously explains the gondo-otness. I then go on to explain that I am experiencing morning sickness and constantly need to taste something in my mouth to avoid throwing up in front of everyone. And that I usually have my Eclipse Winterfrost mints with me but hubs left it in the car. I send hubs a cheeky smile.

After more chit-chat we look around for Elil who went off somewhere with Janices' mother, swept away by the karaoke kids and balloons on stage. She is socializing with the older kids, some popo's and kungkung's too. Totally unbothered by her parents absence. Oh it would be so easy to kidnap my little angel! 4 glasses of orange juice later, hubs tells our hosts we got to make a move. And so we bid our farewells and walk out into a cheering crowd. Gurmit Singh is on stage singing 'A Better Man'. I like this song. We stop to take pleasure in his musical talents. He's quite good I must say. At the end of the song we walk past the stage. He looks down on us and says, "Leaving already ah?" We nod yes. He looks disappointed. As we walk to the end of the hall we hang on a little longer listening to his typical PCK humor. Engrossed in his comedy I am startled by a tap on the shoulder. I turn to look and I see Jon. Hey its Jon. Long time no see man. He looks exactly the same! We chat a little. But I am distracted. I am interested in what Mr. Gurmit has to say. He speaks of a sad but miraculous story, a life changing event. I am mesmerized.

I tell hubs were not leaving until he's done with his testimony. And so he begins his story and I am truly moved and humbled. I will relate his story to you the best I can....

Gurmit Singh is the eldest son in a family of 5. He has two younger sisters. He starts his story telling the crowd that his mother is probably the most strong woman in the world. Always working, always striving to care for her family. She would only fall sick on her days off. In 1985 on one day off, she never quite recovered from one sickness. Days later the family is devasted by the news that their dear mother is suffering from stomach cancer. She is at tthe worst stage, Stage 4. Doctors give her 6 months to live. They try everything possible to cure their mother. Chemotherapy, radiotherapy, traditional cures you name it. Nothing helped. The cancer spread throughout most parts of her body.

Finally, one day Gurmit's two younger sisters aged 17 and 14 suggested their mother see a Pastor for prayer. They had both converted into Christianity earlier on. Gurmit's father has always been anti-Christianity and blamed his sisters' conversion on him as he was the older borther and it was his duty to take care of them. And so Gurmit had been angry at his sisters too, always scolding them for causing their father such pain. However, in desperation the family agreed to bring in a Pastor. The Pastor spoke to Gurmit's mother and told her. I will pray with you but before that you must give yourself to Jesus (God), you must surrender to Him. And also we can only expect Him to give to us what He pleases and what is in His will. And obediently she follows.

A day or several days later ( I forget), Gurmit's two sisters invite him to a Christian ralleigh to be held at the National Stadeum. Normally he would totally object in anger but this time round, he agreed to attend. He went with zero expectations. The speaker was a man from Germany I did not quite get his name. During the session, as they were singing and praising, Gurmit heard a voice speak to him. It said, "Son, do you want to be My child?" or something like that. I don't remember his exact words. Instantly he knew, this feeling was different. It was indeed God talking to Him through Jesus Christ. He wept like a child. To have God Himself talk to you, what a humbling experience. Right there and then he knelt on the ground and gave himself to Jesus. That night he prayed for his mother. It was a very specific prayer. He emphasizes the specificness of it and I know how he feels. In situations like these, you don't really think of specifics, you are just grateful for anything little but somehow God listens to every detail no matter how tiny. He asks God to delay His taking of his mother. He asks God to take her only after she has seen her grandchildren. Gurmit was 19 years old, he was so far away from marriage yet alone children. And yet this was his prayer for his stage 4 cancer-stricken dying mother.

Days later, after running some tests on the mother, the Doctor said," I don't know what you are doing outside of the hospital but you have to keep doing it because your cancer is gone! You are FREE FROM CANCER!" It was truly a miracle. A miracle I tell you! I stand in awe. God working His way in the life of Gurmit Singh, in the life of his mother and family. There were moments during his testimony where he was clearly struggling to hold back his tears. And I know the feeling. The experience of God's power of His love in us and among us. Its always so humbling and just amazing and a knock-you-off-your-feet experience! And I can't thank Him enough. And I can't thank Gurmit enough for his testimony. I am sure it moved many people during the lunch that day. And it will continue to touch the people who read this blog. I cried as a listened to his story.

16 years later, Gurmit's mothers' body is attacked again by the same cancer. She succumbs this time. Gurmit is initially angered but then he is reminded of his prayer. By this time, he was married with a beautiful daughter and was expecting a son very soon. And so he thanked God for the whole 16 years of life his mother lived and let her go. It was a peaceful death, and all close family members had a chance to bid their last farewell to their beloved mother/wife.

I cried again as I left the hall. Thank you Gurmit for your story. Thank you Jesus for working through Gurmit to spread Your love in this world. A world that desperately needs Your love, power and saving grace. Amen.

If God Exists

A lady went to a beautyshop to have her hair cut and her nails painted and trimmed. As the lady began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the beautician said:

"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked Sheryl, who has MS.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

Then Sheryl thought for a moment, but didn't respond because she didn't want to start an argument. The beautician just finished her job and the customer left the shop. Just after she left the beauty shop, she saw a woman in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and not groomed at all. She looked dirty and unkempt.

Sheryl turned back and entered the beauty shop again and she said to the beautician: "You know what? Beauticians do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised beautician. "I am here, and I am a beautician. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" Sheryl exclaimed. "Beauticians don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and be very unkempt, like that woman outside."

"Ah, but beauticians DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly", affirmed Sheryl. "That 's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there' s so much pain and suffering in the world."

I got this from my father exactly a year ago and thought i'd share it with you guys.

Guess where we was at last week?

Hubs found out on Monday that he needed to fly off to Paris (again) for a meeting. We had a family trip to Cameron Highlands planned that Friday to Sunday. He managed to get a flight out of KLIA on midnight Sunday. On Wednesday, I asked hubs if Elil and I could join him on his trip. He'd been travelling so much lately, I just needed more time with him. "Let me check my points", he said. He confirmed he had enough points with Enrich and booked our tickets. On Thursday we purchased our tickets and got Elil's passport done in 2 hours. We took her picture the night before, she was in her jammies. Hehe. Hubs changed his flight to Saturday midnight and off we were....

Bonjour Paris! Here we are at the airport. Elil slept 10 hours of the 12.5 hour flight. Thank goodness! I really needed the rest after the 3.5 hour drive from Cameron and then the rush packing before the drive to KLIA.

We landed at about 6 am. By the time we got our luggage and the rental car, it was about 8 am. Check-in time at the hotel was after 1 pm. So we managed to do some sight-seeing around the Avenue Des Champs Elysees and down to Le Arc De Triomphe.

Elil chasing after her flying scarf with her mouth.

Elil refuses to pose for the camera.

Alala so happy we all!

Catwalking on the Champs.



The Cathedrale Notre Dame was as usual amazing and beautiful. Inspiring and moving.


Standing in front of a statue of St Joan of Arc (Jeanne De Arc) who was canonized in this cathedral by Pope Benedict XV. Read more about her here.

The stain glass was breathtaking.

I stopped and sat at the pews for several minutes just taking it all in and lifting myself to God. It was a truly peaceful experience.

The altar.

From the Notre Dam we walked down the river (don't know what its called) to Musee Du Louvre, the world's most visited art museum. The most famous art piece housed in the Louvre would probably be Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa. We did not go in. The main reason being, hubs was here 2 weeks earlieron a business trip and he had had his little tour. Myself I was here in 1998 and have my picture in front of Miss Mona Lisa and others. Plus we had Elil and well 16 month old + historic museums don't mesh very well if you know what I mean. ;)

More shots of us outside The Louvre.

Me giving my best super'mama'model shot.

Elil getting friendly with a Korean tourist. She scribbled in the lady's diary. And refused to return her pen.

Me outside the Palais Du Louvre. Hubs took soooo long to take this picture. I was getting very uncomfortable and self-conscious because I'm standing smack in the center of a major crossing and people walking past had to totally go out of their way to avoid us. It was embarassing. Luckily the picture turned out ok.

Blending in with other Parisians! Ha ha!

We had a real long long walk that day...we were on our feet for probably 4 hours. It was tiring but real nice. Our destination was this departmental store that was selling this real funky and affordable jacket. 3/4 ofthe way, we turned back. It was cold and we were tired. I was upset I didn't get my jacket but hubs got me a real cool handbag instead. So still happy.

It was chilly that evening. I was freezing. Hubs was walking around in a t-shirt, tula got lots of blubber to keep him nice and warm. ;)

We had a great time in Paris. I'm so glad we got the chance to join hubs. He only had to work 1 day out of the 5 days we were there so it was great!

Thanks babe for the wonderful holiday!

Pregnant Pu: 6 months (updated with more pix)

I have very few photos of me pregnant with Elil. I regret not taking more. It's such a beautiful experience being pregnant (after the first trimester anyway!). I love looking at pregnant ladies, always wanting to touch the unborn child. Some women don't like this so must be very careful. However, if ever you see me preggers again, feel free to caress my belly. ;)

Why bah this blogger acting up? Ahh! I'm posting this now. Hmph! Network Error my bum-bum!

I miss my family so much....(updated with more pix)

....it hurts....

So many more pix I wanna upload but blogger is being a pain.

Haven't done a quiz in a while...this was disappointing

What Your Handbag Says About You

You tend to be relaxed throughout the day. You are naturally at peace. You tend to be relaxed but alert. You keep your eye out for anything unusual. You are a low maintenance person. You can adapt to a variety of situations. You are a very creative person. Your life tends to be a whirlwind, but you always seem to pull it together. You are practical and down to earth. You tend to be a rather reserved and quiet person. You are an outgoing and expressive person. You always speak your mind, and you're very approachable.

What Does Your Handbag Say About You?

My labor story 15.5 months later

Look what the stalk brought

On Wednesday, 6th June 2007 I started feeling cramps in my lower abdomen. I woke up in the morning to find myself spotting. I had been feeling like I was about to explode for a week or so. Hubs brings me to the OBgyn. My doctor, Dr. I was on leave so we went to see her neighbor Dr. M (Ot's OBgyn). He does his thing and tells me I'm 1 cm dilated and not to worry because I probably have a few days to go. We (hubs and I) leave the hopspital feeling a bit disturbed. 1 cm? I've started dilating but it might take a few days? "Trust the experienced doctor Pu", I tell myself. But just in case, I stay home the next couple of days. My mummy's flight was booked on the 14th June, 1 week to my due date on the 21st. "Mummy, I want you here now! I think the little angel will come out anytime soon!". So on Thursday, 7th June mummy is in town to care for her 3rd born who is preparing for her 1st born.

7th June, in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning of the 8th. Major cramps don't allow me the sleep I so desperately need. Every half hour or so, I toss and turn in bed. I would not describe it as pain. It was more like major cramps and discomfort. I am in this state the whole night. Hubs is out entertaining customers and I am tempted to call him. But I don't. Mummy is in the next room and Assunta Hospital is a 5 minute drive away. By morning, I am pale and spotting a little more. The aches turn into pains and I can hardly stand up. However, surprisingly, I am calm. It's my mummy, mother of 4 who is in panic. "I really think you should go to the hospital now", she kept telling me. We decide to call Ots (in JB at the time) who is calm and tells me to go if I really feel I should. Again mummy, "I really think you should go coz I won't be in the right state of mind to drive if you are in uimaginable pain and screaming next to me". Seeing as if i waited any longer I may not have a driver to get me to the hopsital, I grabbed my maternity bag (that was packed months in advance), informed hubs and off we went,mummy daughter and sister's maid. We are directed straight to the labor ward. Here I am instructed to change into hospital gear. It is a little after 9 am.

They call in Dr. I, she is off duty but thank goodness she lives nearby. In the meantime, a nurse comes along and gives me the check. "Oh you are 1 cm dilated", she tells me. What? 1 cm? "But nurse, I was 1 cm two days ago!" I practically scream to the nurse. On top of that the pains were gaining frequency, like every 15 minutes. AND they were inconsistent, sometimes they came as close as 7 minutes. Finally, Dr. I comes in, her serene face, soothing voice and gentleness calms me immediately. Mummy tells me I have the sweetest, nicest doctor. I agree. Once again I am given the check for the 3rd time. The good doc confirms the 1 cm thing and instructs the nurse to hook me up to this machine that monitors my contractions as well as baby's heartbeat. It seems baby is ready to come out but mummy's cervix not ready to give way. Fear builds as I think of complications but the nurses do not look alarmed so I tell myself to stop worrying. The contractions are consistently closer. 5-7 minutes apart.

A while later, the nurse comes in to give me the check me again, apologizing politely everytime she does so. I find this very professional. It would be the polite thing to do huh, "Excuse me mam, I am now going to touch your most intimate private area". And I didn't even know her name. I tried to act as normal as possible and hoped I didnt blush. By noon, hubs was in the hospital. And a couple of hours later the IL's and Punes were around. I am now making my rounds outside the labor ward, my hands in hub's. I don't like the walking, it adds to the pain and discomfort. However, I was advised to walk to quicken the dilating of the cervix and induce the labor. Hours go by, Dr. I is back and after another check tells me I am still only 1 cm dilated. I am moved to the maternity ward as it seems baby won't be coming out too soon. I didn't know that a woman could stay 1 cm dilated for soooo long. Plus the pains were coming evey 5 minutes.

By 9 pm, I am exausted. Everyone but hubs has gone home to rest. He stays with me in the maternity ward. We walk around my room and I try to focus on the tele. The pain is horrible. And I am still only 1 cm. The frustration is mounting. "When will you come out little angel? When mummy's body allows you I guess." Over 12 hours in and out of pain and I press the button to call the nurse. "Could I have the (pentadine) jab?" An hour later the pain is reduced and the drug gets me through the night without too much pain. Some time in between (its all a blur to me) I am moved back to the labor ward. Even the nurses were unsure of where to keep me. So the labor ward it was!

The next day, 9th June. Dr. I comes in all cheerful asking how mummy is doing. Mummy is not too good. She wishes this was all over. And is eager to set her eyes on her little daughter. But alas, mummy is STILL only 1 cm! The pains are becoming unbearable. I cannot, refuse to walk. Hooked up to the machine permanently now. Mummy and baby need closer monitoring. Baby's heatbeat is fine throughout, doctor and nurses expressions allow me to remain calm. By noon I ask for my second shot of pentadine. Hey, 27 hours and still no baby ok! 3 checks and 3 hours later I am told I am 3 cm! Thank you God! Dr. I tells me that she can break my water for me to quicken labor but this will dramatically increase the pain. "Anything that gets baby out sooner", I tell her. I feel nothing as she breaks my water bag but the release of the waters felt odd, a gush of water coming out from my vagina was like the release of a dam. It is blood stained and this is normal. Almost immediately the pain increases 10 folds. Argh! You must know that I have a VERY LOW threshold for pain. I seriously cannot take pain. By now I am in tears. So is my mummy. She cannot see me in pain and suggested hours before that I just go for the c-section.

I had been through the cycle twice, as in the nurses shifts. All the nurses in the labor ward knew me! Most of them had visited my most intimate and private area. All apologizing everytime they entered. They seemed eager for me to deliver as well. Women came and went (in silence mind you, probably all on the epidural) and there I was close to 30 hours and entering my 4th cm. Dr. I is empathatic (not just for me but for my mom as well), she gets the nurses to give me oxygen. Which honestly helps very little. It does nothing for the pain. It's more of a mind relaxer that gets you high if you inhale too much. Which I did and well I didn't quite like the floating in air out-of-control state it left me in. FINALLY, I give in. I told myself not to, especially for the 1st birth, but I'm chicken shi* that way I guess. I say the words I tried so long to avoid, " Doc, is it too late for the epidural?" I ask. She replies, "No it's not, you are 5 cm dilated". Only 5 cm, sigh.

The anesthesist is called in and comes in about 45 minutes later (not soon enough believe me). He asks me if I have any back problems. No, my back is fine. He tells me to sit at the edge of the bed with my body arched forward in a c-shape with a pillow for support. He injects me with something and I feel something tiny move up inside my spine. It does not hurt. The doc tapes everything down securely and I am allowed to lie down on my back again. He says it takes about a half hour to kick in. 20 minutes later I can feel the effects and begin to relax. Another 20 minutes pass and the whole left side of my body is numb but there is feeling along my right side. Shi*! "Urm nurse, could you help with the pain? I feel it still. Up the dose maybe?" She ups the does, no change. Just take the pain away somebody! So alang-alang half of me still suffering. Another nurse comes in and gets me to rest on my right side. Almost instantly the pain subsides. Praise the Lord! From this point on NO MORE PAIN! Nothing!

Within 3 hours I am 8 cm dilated. And at about 8:30 pm I reach 10 cm and the nurses prepare the bed. My feet are in stirrups and are way above my head. My legs are open. Dr. I tells me to push. I feel nothing but try my hardest. Hubs is right next to me holding my hand but peering down to get a better view of the birthing process. I had troubles pushing at first, didnt quite get the breathing part. Blame it on the nerves as there was NO pain. After a while I got the hang of it and just focused on pushing as hard as possible. After baby's head was out, the rest of the body slipped out easily. At 8:49, after 36 hours of labor, Elil Arasi was born weighing 2.8 kg and 12 days early. Dr. I lifted her up to the delight of her proud parents. My first memory of her was her eyes, those round ever-alert eyes so bright and shining. I remember thinking to myself, oh goodness she looks exactly like me! She has changed back and forth many times since then but I still see a lot of me in her, and a lot of her daddy too. A good mix of us both I guess. I tried breastfeeding immediately but she found it a little hard to suckle. She was tagged baby number 25 and I was mummy number 25. I would never forget that face, never! I remember feeling very cold soon after, shivering uncontrollably. Hubs got me a blanket and I was wheeled to the maternity ward. Elil was off being weighed and cleaned and sent to the nursery. I noticed later that the nurses whose shifts had ended stayed back just to have a glance of little Elil. I'm sure they looked at mummy then at daddy and figured the product should be pretty interesting! Haha!

I don't remember feeling tired that night at the hospital. I was anxious and excited and wanted to be with my baby. I felt sore down there, that I remember. I did not and could not sleep. I was alone that night except for when they brought little Elil to me for feeding. Oh such a precious one she was, and is! One last thing, days later as we were filling up the forms for Elil's birthcert, we realized that Elil and Dr. I share the same birthdate! No wonder, she tried to delay inducing me!

Bento update

Psst.

My mummy got me some stuff from Daiso yesterday.

I won some stuff from ebay.

AND

I think I may just throw some stuff out and add some cool stuff into my shopping cart in NST now.

I am grinning from ear to ear.

TAGGED!

1. The person who tag/pass you is? Mel

2. Your relationship with her/him is? BFF

3. Your five impression of her/him? lawa mau matee, hilarious, emotional, loving & did i mention lawa mau matee?

4. The most memorable thing she/he had done for you?
Been there everytime I needed a shoulder to cry on.

5. The most memorable thing she/he had said to you?
Told me she wanna name all her kids after me and actually sounded serious. But truly mel, dont k! ;)

6. If she/he becomes your lover you will...?
Ask her, "hehehehe....why your crotch so small?"

7. If she/he becomes your lover, thing she/he has to improve on will be?
Crotch size.

8. If she/he becomes your enemy, you will...?
Be totally heartbroken.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her/him now is?
Show her that she can find and is deserving of that kind of LOVE.

11. Your overall impression of her/him is?
Hahaha yo...budu math...she likes butter A LOT. Paling fahnie person I know. Even funnier when drunk....that night not so long ago at waterfront....LOL.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
Will? Either that I'm funny or that I'm boring. Depends on my mood....this is yo's jawapan and i feel zakly the same!


13. The characteristics you love of yourself are?
I am passionate about everything. I am empathatic. I'm a lover of beer.

14. On the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are?
I lack self-confidence sometimes and I can be insecure. I don't think I'm smart enough.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
A SAHM or WAHM

16.For people that care and like you, say something to them
Thank you.

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you.

People I wish I knew how they felt about me? I'm just going to put 10 people, most of which I know how they feel about me.

1) Babe
2) Sel
3) Mel
4) Rol
5) Yo
6) Mia
7) Ots
8) Punes
9) Eyasmin
10) Hema

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
Will

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
Female

20. If number 7. and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
No. Not quite possible anyhow.

21. What is no.2 studying about?
Photography?

22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
Yaysterrday.

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
Ooh...macam all sorts. I know she loves Alanis Morissette.

24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
1 older braderr.

25. Will you woo no.3?
Not necessary. Were already lovers of each other.

26. How about number 7?
Not necessary. Were already lovers of each other.

27. Is no. 4 single?
Taken.

28. What is the surname of no.5?
Graham

29. What's the hobby of no.10?
Eating

30. Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
They have met.

31. Where is no.2 studying at?
Sahhhnaaaa....

32. Talk something casually about no.1?
Hensem huggable teddy bear.

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no.6?
I have deep feelings for her.

34. Where does no.9 live at?
Sahhnnnaaaa....

35. What colour does no.4 like?
I have to say blue...hope i got it right.

36. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
They are lavaasssss...

37. is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
Totally!!!

38. What is no.6 doing now?
Desperately looking for a temp job.

And so begins my new addiction....

I was bored and a lil' down yesterday, so I visited my fave online CD stores. And well nothing really appealed to me. The funky designs created very little excitement. Plus Elil has more than enough CD's to last her a while now. So I went a-bloghopping instead. And while visiting my usual spots, again my eyes were drawn to the Bento posts. Aha! And so I clicked on all the Bento labels and examined each bento tool and its end-product. Slowly I sensed some pleasure rising inside me. Hmmm....could this be my new addiction? The new temporary high when clicking BUY and the rush to the mail room to collect my package? Oh yes I think so! And so it began.

First, I called up mummy.

Me: "Mummy, could you get me some stuff ka?"
Mummy: "Sure. What you want?"
Me" 'Can you go to Japanese Home Store in Asia City, some shop on the 1st floor Karamunsing and Daiso in 1Borneo and check out some Bento stuff for me?"
Mummy: "What is Bento?"
And so I go on to explain....you know how the Japanese have this strange fascination with turning their food into pieces of art?....

Half an hour later mummy calls.

Mummy: "Ok I'm here in Asia City but have no idea what I'm looking for."
Me: "Look for the egg mould that you and Ots got for me the other day and stuff around it like cookie/sandwich/vege cutters, or rice/jelly/chocolate moulds. Or silicon cups and food separators. Sauce containers? Fruit or dessert picks?"
Mummy: " Hah! Teda oh! Ok, I cari Karamunsing now.

Another half hour later.

Mummy: "Puei, teda oh your bento-bento thing sini!"
Me: "Hah! Immmpossible! All the bento mamas in KK cakap ada tu in those shops!
Mummy: "None oh. Tomorrow I try 1Borneo ok. I penat redi dis."
Me: "Ok mummy. Np. Thanks."

Did you guys know that the only Daiso outlet in Malaysia is in 1Borneo??? So I bloghopped some more and someone mentioned the 100 Yen Store. Did some Google research and voila, the list of 100 Yen Stores in Malaysia. 11 outlets all together. I went to the SS2 branch 2 weeks back. Nada! And then ooh, there's one in Puchong!

A conversation between my colleague N (who's from Puchong btw) and me.

Me: "Hey got nice place to makan lunch in Puchong?"
N: " Go-ot!"
Me: "You wanna go there for lunch today?"
N: "What you want to buy?"
Me: "Ehe, you know me so well." (During my CD addiction,I got him to bring me to lunch in Bangsar so I could collect my CD's from the post office there.)

And so I go on to explain about the 100 Yen Shop. He told me he knows this shop well. All the better! And at lunchtime were on our way with two other colleagues tagging along. Ok so when N told me he knew the place, he actually had another huge red signboard shop in mind (Berry bakery!) and in fact had no clue where my bento-stash shop was! We spend almost an hour searching before thank the Lord we finally find the place.

Alas, to my dismay after walking around each isle, I find nothing. Well there were several cute bento containers but other than that, nothing! All that effort and nothing much to show for it. I ended up getting two real cute 2-level containers. At least I got something.

Today, I will go back to NST and probably, hopefully get some stuff from there. OR if someone is up for lunch in Uptown today....

Salt intake for toddlers

I was chatting with a friend the other day and we started talking about what else but our babies (actually toddlers now). She told me that she hardly puts any salt in her kiddos meals. I mentioned my little Elil consumes quite a bit of salty foods. She then said that after she read an article about how high salt intake gives toddlers high blood pressure, she immediately reduced salt in her baby's meals.

So I have been doing my own research and nearly every site tells me the same thing. So I'm going to share some information with you guys:

Salt Intake Gives Toddlers High Blood Pressure by Valerie Elliott, Consumer Editor

Children as young as four are eating so much salt that they are suffering from high blood pressure, it was revealed yesterday.

Parents are being urged to cut down their children’s daily salt intake to prevent them suffering heart disease or strokes as young adults.

The alert was raised by new research, published in The Journal of Hypertension, that found that children eating the highest amount of salt had the highest blood pressure.

Health campaigners are concerned that the high level of salt in the diets of children aged from four to 18 is fuelling the country’s obesity crisis.

Related Links
Plea to take additives out of children’s food
Eating an extra gram a day resulted in significantly raised blood pressure, according to the study. Once high blood pressure had been established as a health problem in childhood it invariably continued into adulthood.

The research was based on data collated by the National Diet and Nutrition Survey of 2,127 young people in Britain, an official audit for the Department of Health.

Some 1,658 kept a diary of what they ate and drank and their salt intake and blood pressure was recorded.

The study found that for each extra gram of salt consumed by children there was a related increase of 0.44 mmHg (millimetres of mercury) in what is called systolic blood pressure.

Malcolm Law, of the Wolfson Institute of Preventive Medicine, said that the findings showed that the country needed a revolutionary approach to salt consumption.

Professor Law called on the food industry to do more to reduce salt content in food that is popular with children and teenagers. Even the amount in baby food was too high, he said.

Professor Law said: “The vast majority of children in this country are eating too much salt. Higher blood pressure is a marker for vascular damage and this shows it’s starting too early. Going into adulthood this is not totally irreversible, if people can have a ‘salt revolution’.”

The survey also found that children aged between four and eight who ate less than 4.5g of salt a day had a systolic blood pressure measuring 2mmHg lower than those of the same age group eating more than 5.5g of salt.

Mike Mead, of the Blood Pressure Association, said: “If we are going to prevent a future epidemic of hypertension, the more that can be done to educate families about taking some simple steps to leading a healthier lifestyle the better.”



Healthy eating

Recommended daily maximum:
0-6 months less than 1g
7-12 months 1 gram
1-3 years 2 grams
4-6 years 3 grams
7-10 years 5 grams
11-14 years 6 grams
Adults 6 grams

Source: Scientific Advisory Committee on Nutrition

This next site pretty much tells you the same thing, read more here

I am trying my hardest....

....and it ain't working....

Good read for mother's with toddlers and those who care for toddlers....

If you feel like the word you say most often is "no," consider ways you can make your house, or at least parts of your house and yard, utterly safe for his investigations. Lock gardening tools in the garage or shed, be sure there are no water hazards (i.e. buckets, wading pools, etc.), and put out a few balls that he can chase and try to kick — a big "exercise" ball can be very entertaining. Designate one room or corner of the house as the play area and have it full of pillows and toys. Remove breakable items from coffee tables or shelves that your child can reach. Be sure to pad any sharp corners (better yet, remove coffee and side tables that pose a danger). And let your child try feeding himself, even if it makes a big mess. Remember that play and exploration are how toddlers learn about the world, so it's not that your 14-month-old is being intentionally defiant, simply that he is curious about everything around him and doesn't want anyone to stop him from checking things out.Toddlers are enthralled by water. Water play can be both soothing and exciting, so next time you need a way to distract your toddler — say, while you're cooking — put him in his highchair, fill a plastic bowl with soapy, bubbly water, and give him a sponge or dish-scrubber so he can wash plastic cups and plates. You may want to put a drop cloth or an old shower curtain under the highchair if you're worried about a mess.

I got this from Baby Center.

Happy 51st Malaysia!

I experienced these two unfortunate incidences during the week leading to Merdeka.

Unfortunate Incident #1: I was having coffee with my friend during office hours. He was talking about a new found way of life - yoga and a new diet (apparently 90% of food type is cut out). He also mentioned a quest to search for his soul. He is under the impression that his soul is somewhere in, let's say...urm..'Yugoslavia'. What an odd idea! I told him his soul is right where it should be, deep within him. I don't think he believed lil' ol' me. So he goes on to say that he wants a change in career, a change of lifestyle, away from the hustle and bustle of KL city life, away from the materialism. For once, I agree with him! He is compelled to travel half way round the world to urm....'Yugoslavia' to teach poor little 'Yugoslavian' kids, suffering illiterates. I nearly spat out my coffee and fell off the freakin chair! "Don't we have poor children here in Malaysia that you could teach?" I ask him. He answers, "Yea, but they're all....let's say....urm 'Hispanic'!". If my eyes could pop out, I'm sure they would have. I roll my eyes in disgust instead. I shake my head and tell him, "No no, this is where you have it wrong. You want to help kids, you help em. Theyr'e kids for goodness sakes. Children! Who cares about their race! Children don't differentiate race until we (idiot) adults point it out to them!" He goes on to say, "Yea but they have 'Hispanic' parents!". I could not believe my ears! This isn't coming from some old uneducated fogie who is still living in the 60's. This friend of mine is in his early 30's and is supposed to be educated! I hate using that term 'educated' it's so BS. Note: I have changed certain country names and races to avoid creating racial hate among us Malaysians and in fear of being thrown into prison for having an opinion.

Unfortunate Incident #2: Let's say I heard this from a friend who heard it from a friend. Well my friend, was telling me about something that happend to her friend X and X's friend Y. X and Y work together. They have a superior called Mr. Z. X and Y are not Malaysian nationals. They are from...let's say....urm 'Croatia'. Mr. Z is Malaysian. In delegating work to X and Y, Mr. Z gives them a word of advice, "You know its important to always maintain cleanliness. Especially you 'Croatians'. Your people always contract a lot of diseases because you are dirty. You bring diseases like Bird Flu and Typhoid." My jaw dropped. I tell you ah. I so so tak puas hati oh hearing crap like this. How do you say something like that to someone? No one deserves to hear stuff like that being said about their own people. I was told that X was brought to tears by this comment. It's just horrible and degrading and insulting and hurtful and uneccessary.

So here's to you Malaysia. We have a long long way to go....

Having second thoughts....

After Sungai Besi toll at 6:40 am

After Desa Waterpark exit at 7:10 am

I'm having second thoughts about my new work schedule. Ok, let's analyze:

Original Schedule

Work hours: 8:30 am - 5:30 pm

Tradffic Conditions: I leave the house anytime between 7:30 am and 8:00 am. The jam is horrendous, it takes me anywhere between 1.5 hours to 2 hours to get to work. My feet hurt, I am under a lot of stress (due to aching feet, fear of being late for work, lalalala). Leave office at 5:30 pm sharp, or anytime later and I get back in a little over an hour. So that means I spend at least 3 hours everyday on the road. 3 hours that I can never gain back.

Upside: I get to spend a little time with Elil before I leave for work.

New Schedule

Work hours: 7:30 am - 4:30 pm

Traffic Conditions: I leave the house by 6:30 am. There are already a lot of cars on the roas eventhough its pitch black outside. After the Sungai Besi toll just around the Petronas petrol station, the traffic slows. The roads are fulls. I am not in a standstill, but am down to 1st gear. It takes me 50-55 minutes to get to work. I am done by 4:30 pm on most days, it takes me as little as 40 minutes to reach Kajang. Less than two hours on the road daily and more time with Elil at the end of it.

Downside: I don't get to see Elil before I leave for work. The long stretch is REALLY heartbreaking.

The conclusion, you can't have it all and sometimes you don't have a choice. Looks like i'll be sticking to my new schedule. There's got to be a better way! I'm not doing this for long.

Today I am angry. Why?

1. I can't function properly without seeing Elil (awake) before I leave in the morning. Sakit oh my hati.

2. Today I start my new office hours, 7:30am - 4:30pm just to avoid the traffic. I left early today and the roads were already jammed.

3. I am PMSing.

That's it for now.

I have reached that point....

I don't want this job anymore. But I will keep it. At least until something more fulfilling and less frustrating comes along. I have tried for many months now to just stop complaining or at least whine less, learn to enjoy work, accept that I have annoying and sometimes plain evil people above me, appreciate that I have a good and steady income, lalala. But alas, at the end of the day, I feel nothing for this job. There have been times that I thought maybe, just maybe I'd be able to have a teensy weensy bit of passion for this job (like I used to) but nothing so far.

Why ah? I think it's partially the job/industry, a portion the people I work 'for' and other bits because of me, the change in me. BIGGEST factor at this point is the people and environment. Let me explain. Our department is divided into 2. First group is SVV the powers that be. Second group is the only (derogatory) contingent team. Wild guess which group I'm in? So I have had enough of being treated like a second class citizen, totally unappreciated, knocked down at every opportunity. It's like a game for some people, seriously. They see an opening to make you look bad, go all out to slam you and instantly they feel 100x better about their sorry selves. It's politically driven too I'm sure. Why can't we just go to work, do what we're paid for, make some friends along the way and then go home to our families? Do you really have to walk all over people to climb your way up the corporate ladder? I am sure there are a lot of people out there who have achieved great success without having to take advantage, degrade, belittle others.

14 months, 17 days ago I changed. Life changed. Priorities changed. I experienced a shift. Life isn't all about me anymore! It's about her. And him. And my intrinsic need to care for these two people in my life. And so I lost my focus on anything that tore me away from this. Here I am. I want to be with her. I have to work. You can never have it all I guess. But you sure can try to keep the important things. *Sigh*

And lastly, this *amn industry! Facility Management? You mean DBKK?!! I find it a waste of time having to attend to people who complain like its the end of the world if today's temperature is .5 degree C below the norm, or if there aren't enough paper cups in the pantry. Use the porcelain mugs for goodness sake! Start thinking of the environment! Is it so hard to wash your own freakin' mug? Of course there's definitely more to FM than just cleaning. There's the M&E (Mechanical & Electrical) portion and the projects side too. And this is where I come in. There's an upside to projects because to a certain extent I can utilize my flair for design. Sadly, the extent is very small. *Sigh*

Time to double the effort into finding something to do from home, or at least something closer to home. Good luck Pu.

Surrender

Yesterday a dear dear friend of mine experienced the power of the Lord in a most deep and personal way. And I cannot put into words the pure joy and greatefulness I feel for her and to the Almighty. She expressed her miraculous experience in two words, overwhelming and humbling. I know the feeling, perfect description of the Holy Spirit working His way in us.

I got in my car after hearing the wonderful news and switched on my Sony Walkman. The CHORUS of this song by Planet Shakers was playing on my playlist and it brought me to tears(Thanks Meriel for the wonderful P&W), now I dedicate this to you dear friend (I will send you the song)....

Surrender

Verse 1:
All that I am, is Yours
All that I have, is Yours
I give You my heart and soul,
Lord I’m Yours.

Verse 2:
Lord every day, is yours
Lord every breath, is yours
I’m giving my life to You,
Lord I’m Yours.

Pre-chorus:
You alone are worthy of all praise,
You alone are worthy of all praise!

Chorus:
I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You
I am nothing without You
Jesus Christ, take my life,
It’s all for You!

Bridge:
You’re worthy of all praise (You are worthy!),
You’re worthy of all praise, Jesus!

Elil Oh Elil

Elil's cough has not fully cured since she was last sick. She would cough on occassion during the day and have longer spells certain times during the night. This disturbs her sleep and sometimes wakes her up. It stresses me out to the max. Last Thursday night, her cough medication runs out. So on Friday hubs and I decide to bring her to see Dr. Chua. We describe to him heer symptoms. Apparently, she has 'sensitive airways' which if keeps reocurring after every infection could lead to the dreaded asthma. No! I knew he would say the A-word. I didn't want to her it, even though she didn't actually have it. There was still the possibility. I wanted to cry but I held back.

The doc gave us so much medicine, cough & phlegm, wheezing and 'asthmatic' cough. WTF. She doesn't wheeze. What is an 'asthmatic' cough? I am in a panic, the labels sound serious. I think hubs can sense the rising panic in his panicky wife and the next thing he says really calms me. " I really don't think its what the doctor says" he says. Yea, maybe its not. Maybe the cough will go away and never come back. There was never any wheezing. And most nights the cough doesn't even wake her up. As long as we give her the cough medication as prescribed. We decided against giving her the wheezing and 'asthmatic' cough medicine because frankly we don't think she needs it. Still I am uncertain, I don't know if this is the best way to go. It's just terrible giving her medication, she utterly despises it. Each session is torture not just for baby but for everyone around. Watching her struggle and cry as if in horrible pain. 3 medications x 3 times daily is just unbearable. Do you think we should be giving her ALL the medication?

I worry for her still. My heart is heavy. I pray for my little angel. I pray there is no reoccurrence and that she is 100% healed from this. My nights are uneasy. She has shown signs of improvement since taking the medicine but we really won't be at ease until she's back to normal. On a happier note, her appetite is good and she's as active and cheerful as ever.

Two weeks ago on a Sunday morning in Holy Family Church

About two weeks ago the Parish Priest, Father William Michael talked about the Story of the Adulteress from the book of John 5:38--8:11. For those who have not read this Gospel, you can do so here. The main focus of this story touches on the forgiving and merciful heart of Jesus. However, Father William chose to look at Jesus in this touching story differently. The Pharisees brought to Jesus a woman caught in the act of adultery for judgement. As a test, the pharisees suggested the Adulteress be stoned to death but Jesus disappointed them and responded by saying, "Whoever among you is guiltless may be the first to throw a stone at her.” The Pharisees then one-by-one walked away and left Jesus alone with the Adulteress. Jesus then said to the Adulteress, "Go, and from now on do not sin anymore". What this says to me is, we are all sinners, you and me. We can try our best to live as Jesus did but we will still fall and He will ALWYS be there to catch us if we only ASK and ALLOW Him. This story has always touched me and it is always a reminder to like Jesus 1. not judge anyone, ever; 2. forgive and forgive again. Surprsingly, that Sunday, Father William mentioned nothing about judging and forgiveness. He instead spoke of gentleness. God was speaking to me and he said very simply, "Pu Ei, be gentle. Have a gentle spirit." It hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus wasn't just forgiving with the Adulteress, he was gentle. He treated her with gentleness and softness. This is what I need to be. Gentle. And this is what I pray for daily, to have a gentle spirit like Jesus.

The priest also spoke of humility. This is one of my favorites. In many ways, Jesus has called me to be humble. It's something I need to work on daily. Pray for a humble heart. There is so much to read and learn on humility. Check this site out, Humility.

Mass a week ago was celebrated by Arichbishop Murphy Pakiam. 75 people were being Confirmed. Hey, they didn't get slapped on the cheek like I did! The Bishop just gave them a tap on the shoulder. His sermon was long but simple and direct and more importantly easier to understand compared to the St Francis Xavier's jesuits. Basically, he was talking to the newly confirmed most of whom were teenagers. What really touched me was his advise to pray 1. for a heart to love Jesus more and 2. for a humble heart. Again humility. Such simple words with such deep meaning.

"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth."
— Matthew 5:5

Tagged!

**RULES***“The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.Each player answers the questions about themselves.At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.”***End***

Question 1: What were you doing 5 years ago?
In July 2003 I was in KL hanging out waiting for my Convo.

Question 2: What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
1. Work
2. Work
3. Work
4. Work
5. Beers

Question 3: What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
I'm not really a snacker. But when I do, I tend to go for all those preserved asam stuff.
1. Preserved plum
2. Jeruk mangga

Question 4: What are 5 things that you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Tithe
2. Build my dream home, get my dream car, etc.
3. Make sure my family and loved ones never have any financial woes.
4. Create my own charity organization - build schools, homes, support groups etc. for the less fortunate
5. Travel & volunteer work

Question 5: What are 5 jobs you've had
1. Fun2 playmate - hehe
2. Hah Yo! Waitress - at STAR poolside, for a week when they needed temps.
3. Arrio's Cafe - Sunway Pyramid waitress for 2 months
4. Intern at PJ Indah Holdings - M&E consultants
5. Electrical Engineer for Power Project Consultant - M&E

Now for the 5: Ots, Far, Yas, Hema & Denna

I'm yours Jason

This song is awesome. There's so much truth in it wouldn't you say?



Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch closer dear
and i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

Children are amazing

The day before yesterday was as bad as any day can get. Please refer to previous post. With one exception, the day I got a call from my mum saying Pu Nie had been in an accident. Anyway, so Wednesday was bad. But something happend on my drive back home that just lifted my spirits if only for a few minutes.

I was driving along the Damansara Highway headed toward the NKVE when my eyes were drawn to the back of this black MyVi. Sitting at the rear seats, facing the back were two little boys, around 4 and 5 years old. They were waving at the people in the cars driving behind them. Both deliriously happy. Making goofy faces. They spotted me looking at them and they started to wave even harder. I was so touched by their sincerity and their pure joy and excitement only a child can project that I started waving back. A simple wave at first. But then they went crazy with their waving when they saw that finally one driver actually reciprocated their actions. So I went all out with my waving as well. Leaning forward as our cars drew apart so they could see me still. This simple action just made me so happy. Seeing how their faces lit up by my response. Our cars parted at different toll booths. I looked around for them hoping to continue our waving contest alas we lost each other. They probably went on to make some other disappointed person's day. God bless them. It was such a wonderful moment where I became a kid again and all my adult problems just dissolved for those few minutes and I was brought to tears.

Just as I was recovering from that temporary high, I get a call from the office and reality sets in. Back to where i started.

6 Oct 07 - 2 July 08

My first email was sent out on the 6th October 2007. I was rejected, told that my application came in a little too late. Both positions had been filled. Sure I was disappointed but I tried, and hey I failed. A great opportunity that remained an opportunity.

Then in February, I hear that there is another vacancy available. This time I was hopeful. I read through the description and requirements. MS Project was a requirement so I got a hold on a cd and learned that well. What ever information I could get a hold on, I read through every related link, browsed the sites, talked to some wonderful and helpful ladies on the 2nd and 3rd floor. And I prayed. The works. A dozen times a day I was on the job searcher site looking out for the opening. So I could be the first to apply. Sending email after email regarding the status. It seemed like harassment at times. I'm sure I never went beyond being a pest or a desperate annoyance.

Finally, in June the post is officially on site and I can apply. I'm sure I wasn't first. I wait patiently. They tell me if the hiring manager finds me suitable for the post, he/she will be in contact. So two weeks go by and nothing. So 20 days after sending in my application I decide to make that important nerve wrecking call. The phone rang it seemed like forever, no answer or voicemail. I left 2 missed calls. I follow-up with an email.

Then finally today, I see his name in pink and I pick up my nerves to click on it and open the message. This is the last line....

I appreciate your keenness to join the team and under different circumstances I would consider you for the role.

The role that I applied for would have allowed me to work from home 5 days a week. Would have enabled me to raise my child which has been my dream since the 9th June 2007. I do not wish to elaborate any further in fear of just bawling in front of the whole office. Its enough to say I am in grief.