7 months and 8 days of motherhood. What can I say?
1. Before I leave for work at 8 am, I explain to Elil that I have to work today and I won't be back until 6 pm. Nowadays, I don't get to go back for lunch. So its that much harder leaving her in the mornings. It's a quick farewell. I read long farewells can be drepressing for both mother and baby. But there has to be a goodbye. 5 bloody times a week! Baby understands more than we think.
2. You don't know how I rush to get home at 5:30 pm. The slightest traffic congestion gets me worked up. Sometimes I run from the car to the lift, so eager to see Elil. It sounds crazy I know, but wait till you have a baby of your own. I wash my hands with soap just before leaving the office, I take my watch off in the car and get the house keys ready in the lift. To save time so that the moment I see her at the door I can scoop her in my arms and shower her with kisses. Yes, crazy.
3. I know I need some time for myself but it's so hard to find it (time). Especially when there's so little left after work. I wan't to spend these precious moments with Elil. To get to know her. To tell her about my day and ask her about hers. I have'nt been a total hermit. I have been out, hanging with my husband or friends, attend a company dinner or two. But it has been difficult. I tend to feel a little sad when I get back home and look at the sleeping Elil. How could I have left her (even for those few hours)?
4. Shopping. I still love it. But right now my focus and the source of shopping excitement is not bags or shoes but anything baby. I saw the coolest gadget the other day. I had to have it. It's a portable baby food blender, bottle/jar warmer and sterilizer ALL in one. So cool. It also cost a bomb and my husband thinks we don't need it. Oh but we do, its especially handy when we travel. When we travel la.
5. If I could only work from home. * super sigh* Or work part-time. But I don't think this is something that happens here a lot. And it probably isn't too practical. I'll probably be better off not working at all. Why is it so hard? A mother should be with her children. Do you know how old-fashioned i'm sounding right now? The maternal instinct is strong in this one.
6. I'm jealous of the maid. She spends more time with my child than I do. Isn't that just wrong ka? I wasn't around when she first started doing the 'commando crawl'. I wasn't the first to witness her holding her own nennen bottle. Her first 'word' is not mama. Actually I didn't really expect it to be, coz pronouncing 'mummy' is pretty difficult for little babies plus how do they derive 'mama' from 'mummy'?
7. I don't know how working mothers do it.