It was good when it was good. But good has long passed.

It's been seriously playing in my mind for the longest time now. About 6 months I might say. I have thought and thought about it. Wondered if it should be done. And 2 months ago I decided, yes it must be done. There is no hope for you anymore. The wounds will not heal in this place. I thought we could patch things up, maybe it would improve with the change. But no, we need to cut off ties. "Not now but in time", I said to myself. When? Nah, I give you till May 2009! "Hang in there Pu, you can do it!", I remind myself again. Since then, I've just been spiralling down. It's been hard keeping myself together on a daily basis. A constant struggle to stop myself from going mad. I need to let you go, cut you off for good. You are toxic to me and are not worth my time or effort. But still I have been hanging on, trying so hard to keep it together. I have my many reasons for hanging on, or trying to. Alas, the last thread has torn. And I am falling. You drain me. You bring me down. You make me feel like the dimness of your pea brain, like the stench of your filthy being, like the ego that has made you ugly, like the phony person you are, like the evil pride that consumes you, like the age catching up with you, like the racism that runs through your veins. I want to say I hate you. But I dont. Really. You just suck so bad you make me sick.

And so terday, (with blessings) I bid you farewell. Farewell for good. You smiled and gave me an exaggerated "Thank you!". Almost as if it was in your plan to drive me away. I am sure it was. Congratulations to you then, you succeed! You can have your victory dance with your clan in your next gathering. And with that I know for sure I made the right choice. I know it would have been unhealthy to hang on to something that was struggling to shake me off. Oh, how thick my face is sometimes. Great relief is what I feel now. About 20 kg's lighter too. But still I have my anxieties. Remember, I hung on so long for a reason! What lies for us in the future, only God knows. And so I will let Him guide me.

Goodbye P.H. and S.S.I. Goodbye.