Jewel

Jewel by Brett Lott. I got this book at Pay Less Books for RM6. It has a place in Oprah’s Book Club (for all you Oprah fans). Even after putting the book down for a break, I felt like the book was alive around me; the story was still going on. I could feel it, the lives of the characters so vivid. Its like the story was happening in real time somewhere but I couldn’t see it, just feel it. The characters (the Hilburn family) felt like real people. No one that I knew, but I just felt like their story was real. So real. Their lives followed me wherever I went; the feeling was quite amazing. Jewel is set between 1940 and 1960. The epilogue is set in 1984. Brett Lott writes like a woman, I love it. He seems to know exactly how a woman feels. Jewel is an amazing story of one woman’s life. The story of her husband and her children and one very special child (a ‘Mongolian Idiot’) that is God’s way of smiling down on their family. I admire Jewel for her courage, faith, strength and determination to make things work for her family, with the help and support she sometimes got from her children and husband. The story is true to life.

I enjoy reading books that follow closely the lives of people, the hardships they have had to go through and burdens they have had to carry. I am motivated by their success to rise above it all and their ability at the end to look back and see just how much they have learned and achieved and loved and lost. No regrets. Reading is an escape for me. When work gives me no sense of achievement, when the only content in a paper worth reading is the horoscope, everything else is too depressing, when I realize that most people don’t give a shit about each other, when there is nothing on tv because Astro sucks, when my family isn’t exactly annoying but I just need my time alone, when I feel closer to the people in the pages than real people around me, when it’s ‘bulan tua’ and I am broke, when I think of the human race and how shallow, materialistic and superficial we are becoming, when I wish I could just inject evil people with love, when I wish I had my dream job, when I wish I knew what my dream job is, when I wish I was not such a chicken shit, when I wish I have more self-confidence, when I wish I had narrow hips and longer legs, when I wish I could find the perfect hairstyle for me. The list goes on. I like happy endings. It doesn’t mean that no one can die/be heartbroken/suffer etc (that would be plain boring). I just need a little note in the end telling me that even though all that shit (death, heartbreak, suffering) had to happen, they got over it, know what I mean? I know it’s pathetic. I need the encouragement that is all. It sounds depressing I’m sure, but really I’m not depressed. Just been thinking that’s all.

All I want is to be happy. I’m sure that is all everyone really wants. We are always looking at the people around us and we see the ways that they make our lives unhappy/difficult. It’s so hard to look in the mirror and see that our happiness is in our own hands. Things happen to us for a reason. It is not important ‘what’ happens to us but ‘how’ we deal with the cards that we have been dealt. I feel like I have been handed pretty good cards so I guess there is a lot that I cannot understand. Even so, I think we have to be determined to help ourselves. No wallowing in self-pity. You can’t change other people but you can change yourself. That is why I admire Jewel Hilburn so much. She was one determined woman and she got everything she wanted. As determined as she was though, she never let herself be blinded. She always took the time to stop and look to make sure that she wasn’t fighting for something she didn’t need. She really is an amazing woman. I believe in finding a balance in everything. I don’t believe in extremes. I believe in the power of God and prayer and faith. Above all, I believe in love. So to all of you who are reading this, I LOVE YOU! Drama queen oh drama queen.