Today I am angry. Why?

1. I can't function properly without seeing Elil (awake) before I leave in the morning. Sakit oh my hati.

2. Today I start my new office hours, 7:30am - 4:30pm just to avoid the traffic. I left early today and the roads were already jammed.

3. I am PMSing.

That's it for now.

I have reached that point....

I don't want this job anymore. But I will keep it. At least until something more fulfilling and less frustrating comes along. I have tried for many months now to just stop complaining or at least whine less, learn to enjoy work, accept that I have annoying and sometimes plain evil people above me, appreciate that I have a good and steady income, lalala. But alas, at the end of the day, I feel nothing for this job. There have been times that I thought maybe, just maybe I'd be able to have a teensy weensy bit of passion for this job (like I used to) but nothing so far.

Why ah? I think it's partially the job/industry, a portion the people I work 'for' and other bits because of me, the change in me. BIGGEST factor at this point is the people and environment. Let me explain. Our department is divided into 2. First group is SVV the powers that be. Second group is the only (derogatory) contingent team. Wild guess which group I'm in? So I have had enough of being treated like a second class citizen, totally unappreciated, knocked down at every opportunity. It's like a game for some people, seriously. They see an opening to make you look bad, go all out to slam you and instantly they feel 100x better about their sorry selves. It's politically driven too I'm sure. Why can't we just go to work, do what we're paid for, make some friends along the way and then go home to our families? Do you really have to walk all over people to climb your way up the corporate ladder? I am sure there are a lot of people out there who have achieved great success without having to take advantage, degrade, belittle others.

14 months, 17 days ago I changed. Life changed. Priorities changed. I experienced a shift. Life isn't all about me anymore! It's about her. And him. And my intrinsic need to care for these two people in my life. And so I lost my focus on anything that tore me away from this. Here I am. I want to be with her. I have to work. You can never have it all I guess. But you sure can try to keep the important things. *Sigh*

And lastly, this *amn industry! Facility Management? You mean DBKK?!! I find it a waste of time having to attend to people who complain like its the end of the world if today's temperature is .5 degree C below the norm, or if there aren't enough paper cups in the pantry. Use the porcelain mugs for goodness sake! Start thinking of the environment! Is it so hard to wash your own freakin' mug? Of course there's definitely more to FM than just cleaning. There's the M&E (Mechanical & Electrical) portion and the projects side too. And this is where I come in. There's an upside to projects because to a certain extent I can utilize my flair for design. Sadly, the extent is very small. *Sigh*

Time to double the effort into finding something to do from home, or at least something closer to home. Good luck Pu.

Surrender

Yesterday a dear dear friend of mine experienced the power of the Lord in a most deep and personal way. And I cannot put into words the pure joy and greatefulness I feel for her and to the Almighty. She expressed her miraculous experience in two words, overwhelming and humbling. I know the feeling, perfect description of the Holy Spirit working His way in us.

I got in my car after hearing the wonderful news and switched on my Sony Walkman. The CHORUS of this song by Planet Shakers was playing on my playlist and it brought me to tears(Thanks Meriel for the wonderful P&W), now I dedicate this to you dear friend (I will send you the song)....

Surrender

Verse 1:
All that I am, is Yours
All that I have, is Yours
I give You my heart and soul,
Lord I’m Yours.

Verse 2:
Lord every day, is yours
Lord every breath, is yours
I’m giving my life to You,
Lord I’m Yours.

Pre-chorus:
You alone are worthy of all praise,
You alone are worthy of all praise!

Chorus:
I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You
I am nothing without You
Jesus Christ, take my life,
It’s all for You!

Bridge:
You’re worthy of all praise (You are worthy!),
You’re worthy of all praise, Jesus!