Happy people make me wanna barf

I have been reading people's blogs lately and it makes me sick how happy some people can be. I know I sound bitter. I am. Honestly, is it really possible to be THAT happy? It's disgusting. It's not that I'm depressed or anything. I just can't help it if I find it annoying that some people seem to live in a fairy tale of happily ever after. Why is it I am not deliriously happy??

I've tried it all. Think happy thoughts, always be positive, take each day at a time, pray and let God, etc. They all kinda work to a certain extent, and yea I'm 'happy' for that moment but then I'm back where I started in no time. Praying helps and I feel relief and am able to keep myself above average in the happiness department but still, something is lacking. I need the happiness or joy to run through me and live in me. Inside, I am just blek. I want to be thrilled and eager to live life. I want to be excited to see what tomorrow brings. I want to be me. I want US. I want peace.

What have I to look forward to? The future stresses me out. Not thinking about it helps. The constant worry I have over my future happiness is stopping me from experiencing happiness now. I have actually mastered the art of blocking all (ok not all, just about 80% of) negative thoughts out of my head, which is great but in the process I've come to realize happiness is not something that will surely follow. Why not?? True happiness - joy does not come about from something that happens to you or something someone does for you. It comes from within. How do I bring it out? How in the hell do happy people do it?

While waiting for an answer, I keep this verse close to heart:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,
And lean not on thine own understanding,
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct thy path.

Proverbs 3: 5-6