A Quarter Of A Century

Damn it, I never thought I would be saying this at a ‘quarter of a century’ years old, but age is catching up (and dang fast I might add). I know all you 30 year olds are cursing right now but you know what, in 5 years I will be hitting the big three-0 and it’s not a pleasant thought. You know what, life is too darn short. Damn, dang, darn…hmmmm…I am not a happy woman right now. I have felt 18 since my 18th birthday. Denial. Recently, I don’t know what number it is I am feeling. A few days ago, I felt 21-ish. Now, I think I’m actually feeling my true age (sel, your fault). Not good. “ I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys-R-Us kid…” Today I realize that I am not young anymore. I ask myself these questions: Am I in my ‘prime’ or did my ‘prime’ just pass me by (and I didn’t realize it coz I’m too ignorant)? And what do I have to show after 9164 (yes, I actually counted. Including leap years.) days of living on this fascinating yet sometimes depressing world? Zilch. WORK: Work is not bad but it isn’t great. I can’t call it a career. No matter how many times I try saying it.  TRAVELS: I have traveled a considerable amount in my life but hardly have I experienced the ‘great travels’ that not so many years ago I swore to have.  FRIENDS: Lacking. A few very quality ones but nothing more. DIVING: One thing that I have been dying to do but never took enough initiative to actually do it. Another reason:  lack of funds. Haha…bad excuse. EXCUSES EXCUSES. You now what I am, a lazy pig and a PROCRASTINATOR! I am supposed to be alive and vibrant and active. Instead, on a Friday/Saturday night, you can see me curled up on the sofa watching the same show on channel 11 for the 10th time. How sad is that? Astro sucks.  Always I have this feeling inside of me telling me that I should be doing more meaningful, more exciting, more awesome things in/with my life. A night out for me would be a couple of beers in a tiny bar/café behind my house. Should I be complaining? I don’t know. You tell me.

I am not afraid of death. Really! (Unless of course it’s a horrifying death with lots of blood and suffering. I can’t take pain.) I think I am more afraid of life (and what it/myself has to offer). It would nice if I could to live till a ‘healthy 80’, the least. Cheh. So contradicting oh me. (I guess you can be afraid of life and at the same time want to live real long. Console. Console.) Anyways, “Death does not concern us because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.” I don’t remember who said this.

ps- My mom has asked me like a million times now whether or not Sprite goes with my Blue Sapphire (hint hint).    
      Even my mom knows how to have some fun. L Boo to me!