Lonely

My mother left yesterday. She's back in KK. I know she left with mix feelings. Wanting to be back with Meriel and my father, also needing to feel at home again. Needing to be here with me, to take care of me and to just enjoy Elil. I miss her dearly. It was so hard to leave her at the airport. I gave her a quick hug and immediately pulled away. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. I cried all the way back to Kajang.

I prayed for a good night last night. Elil was an angel. So easy to please. She is downstairs at this moment sleeping soundly in her cot. It hurts me to be so far away from her (I am upstairs). I can't help but want her near me and with me at all times. I want my husband near me at all times too. But right now he is so far away and it makes things even more unbearable. Since Elil was born, there has not been a moment where I felt like were a family. It's kind of sad. I hope to feel it soon. I cannot wait for my husband to be back to complete this new family of ours.

I can't explain what I feel when I hold Elil in my arms, when I look at her sleeping. The pride, the love, the peace, the joy. She is just so perfect and beautiful through and through. I want to spend every moment with her be it a peaceful and quiet moment or a restless and crying night. I want to hold her and never let her go. I want to hold my husband and never let him go. Four more days before I get to be in his arms again. Time could not go by more slowly.